“I felt shock for the first time during the war.” The inhabitants of Belgorod are talking about the week under shelling

On December 29, the Russian army inflicted a massive blow to Ukrainian cities, including Kyiv. On December 30, the Ukrainian military fired at the center of Belgorod, as a result, according to official figures, 24 people were killed, including four children. The shelling continued in the new year, local authorities reported the death of another person. Due to the unexploded projectile in one of the areas of Belgorod, the authorities decided to evacuate 600 people. Mediazona talked with several residents of Belgorod about what was happening in the city on the eve of the New Year, and about how they live after the beginning of constant shelling.

"There is a feeling that it will only be worse." Ivan, 28 years old

I missed [the first shelling on December 29], because I went to the shopping center in the city center on my business and did not even hear anything. Then only when I met friends, they told me that explosions were well heard in the city.

You need to understand that Belgorod is a small city is enough. There is a plus or minus five kilometers there, five kilometers here. On the first day, I did not follow exactly where the fragments fell, and at first I did not take seriously what happened to the 29th.

This is generally the worst time since the beginning of the war. This has not happened yet. Before that, one could say that the worst was when she was sheltered by Shebekin.

On the 30th I was at home and thought to go to the supermarket, roughly speaking, to stagnate with products before the New Year. And he began to hear the explosions outside the window. This was not some single explosion, namely a series. Then I was really scared, I went out into the corridor, where there are no windows. Everything was rattled inside, the furniture walked with a shake, the windows were trembling, it was scary. It was so loud, as if something was really exploding over the house. Then, after some time, I found out that literally the explosions were a ten minutes walk from me, next to the University of Technology.

This is the first time, probably, all the time after the start of the war I felt a shock. When you do not know what to do. For example, I talk to relatives from Kharkov-and they are used to the fact that every day something explodes with noise and so on. And in some crazy way they adapted to this and got used to it. And here it turns out that this is more perceived as a certain attack, somewhere they blew up something, and before the holiday. And you do not know if this will be repeated, whether it is already possible to leave the house or wait.

It would be clear that if something happens every day: okay already, what to be, not to be avoided-and went about his business somewhere. And here you do not know whether it is possible to wait out or not. And so you exist in uncertainty.

As a result, on December 30, I almost did not leave the house, only to a neighboring store in the evening. The next day I went to the supermarket, 20-25 minutes on foot. And you go all the way, monitor where you can hide. You see that along the way a bunch of cars, which also explode easily when fragments get, and so on. You do not feel safe at all. This feeling remains: once again I don’t want to go out into the street, I don’t want to meet with friends in a cafe that we usually meet.

I have such a personal story: in April I had a dream that the city center was fired. It was dumb after this sleep, and now, when I was looking at the personnel [with the consequences of the shelling]-it was, damn it, as if something had come true. And I still have not been in the city center after the 30th.

My friend left Belgorod to relatives immediately in the morning of the 31st. Another friend went on vacation and now thinks that if all this does not stop - he has a vacation almost until the end of January, he will not return to the city.

I was really in shock until the night of the 30th. I just wanted to lie, sleep and do nothing. And only by night I more or less again felt some life, meeting with relatives at the celebration.

I decided to leave. To some extent, this is really related to personal safety, because the noise that is now being created is not the same as before-much louder than the series, everything is rattling, so powerful and so often has not been before.

The point is that I work as a psychologist and I work online, I have customers from other cities. If I worked with local people, then where to throw them and go? And so I work, on the contrary, with people who are far away, and they seem to worry and do not feel that we can continue to work normally. How can I create a trusting environment, if I need to sit constantly in straining myself, wait for something and in which case to undermine and run, there, in the corridor and hide? This is not at all a working environment for my profession. I am in some confusion and now think about how and where to leave.

What is the situation in the city? Everyone goes about their business. The next day, December 31, they already laid flowers. I have a friend - the owner of the tea club, he decided not to close - he had an institution in the basement, and he said that people were hiding there that day, he watered them with tea.

Yesterday, the mayor said that shopping centers are closed on the coming days, the main, the largest and not only. Cinemas also close so that people do not go somewhere once again.

It is not clear with bomb shelters. They, like, were closed, appointed some responsible ones with keys, which, in theory, should open each time, or they need to take the keys. But on its own, of course, this idea is crazy, that through some persons there [you can get into the shelter]. I have never been to any bomb shelter. And, for example, I can stay in my apartment in the corridor, or I need to go outside, run to a neighboring house, not understanding whether this refuge is openly or not openly.

Today [January 3] the shelling at 5:30 began. The second was at 6:30. After the second, I realized that I did not want to get up every time and run to the bathroom or corridor. Therefore, he laid the blankets on the floor in the bathroom and slept there.

If you read the comments in local telegram channels, then people who are not for war are offended by what they get. As if Ukraine shoots at the civilian population, although we, the civilian population, do not participate in the war.

In general, [from the local authorities] as if everything is competent. There are some help centers, payments [to the victims], the repair seems to be paid to businessmen and all that.

My friends are very negatively and pessimistic at the situation. Type will be worse. Such a mood is depressed, I would say. It is not known when this exacerbation ends, but there is a feeling that over time it will only be worse.

I myself do not want to leave, but I need - that is, it torn me off like this. I know that I need to leave, and I already decided to do this, but I really do not want to leave friends, relatives and so on. But everyone understands everyone. The problem is that we do not know whether it will end in a week or in six months - or will not end at all. This uncertainty annoys the most.

"The streets are empty, many are afraid to go out unnecessarily." Anastasia, 32 years old

I planned to celebrate the New Year with my family and from the 31st I am 60 kilometers from Belgorod. It’s quiet here, but the heart is still not in place. On December 30, I was in the city, fortunately, at home. I live in another area [further from the victim from shelling that day of the center]. It was very loud, the windows trembled from the last cotton.

Many friends and some close friends moved to other cities. But I'm not going to leave anywhere yet.

Fortunately, I never had to be in the thick of events, in the immediate vicinity of arrivals or on the street during shelling. The mind is already used to loud sounds, but the body still reacts with a high heartbeat, tension. When I go to the bathroom very loudly, I am sitting on the floor in prostration and waiting, when it all ends.

Since the last few days I have been outside the city, I know about the situation from the words of friends and acquaintances. The city is restless. The streets are empty, many are sitting at home and are afraid to go out unnecessarily. Despite external events, tomorrow I intend to return to the city. What will happen.

I perceive [everything that happens] as something that I am not able to influence. I live my little life, trying to engage in creativity. I have a creative specialty, because of this there is a lot of reflection, as if I were doing something unnecessary.

On December 31, I was driving on the train to the station under the siren. The hearts are anxious at such moments, thoughts are full of hope that danger has passed. Everyone is scared. Everyone wants a peaceful sky so that all this ends as soon as possible. In such conditions, it is difficult to make plans for the future.

"Frustration finds the great." Irina, 23 years old

On December 30, I was in a cafe on Kharkov Gora. This is a little removed from the center. The windows trembled, but I did not tell me completely instinct [self -preservation] to leave them. I was in a relatively safe place.

In fact, here, in Belgorod, instincts undermine quite strongly. And I can say not only for myself, but also for many people. For example, my mother generally ran to the window to look at binoculars. Some stupor arises when this happens, time slows down very much. Do you think, here, the window will fly out or not fly out? You turn into some kind of philosopher who observes this all. And it is quite difficult to react [to explosions and shelling]. I am a little close to [from the window], but it would hardly have saved me from fragments.

I do not plan to leave the city. He is for me dear, I have a well -established life here. And, in fact, changing it will be much more problematic than staying here. I understand that it sounds absurd, because it would seem that you can just die, a fool. But in fact you get used to everything, and to this too.

After the first shelling, we went to the temple with my friend. But not because we are believers, she just wanted to see, generally go to this temple. And it just began, after shelling, Siren. And this is repeated stably for several days. First shots, and then only a siren. On the hell, no one can answer.

Today [January 3] many do not work, but we have such an organization that we work. So I went literally for one day. It was absurd to gather in the morning. The explosions were about 06:00, already the second. The former were, it seems to me, about two or three in the night, and, in fact, it was not possible to sleep. I was lying literally until the last morning and thought what kind of absurdity it was: to go to work and observe some other internal attitudes. That work is necessary, work is important when your room is simply on both sides along the outer wall with the street. If it arrives, then there are no chances at all. And such a frustration finds the Great. Nevertheless, I somehow gathered a heap in a heap like that, found the strength in myself and, in fact, left the house.

The city is semi -empty. Usually at this time there are much more cars, more transport. In principle, people in transport are practically absent. We have already reduced public transport, and some [routes] go along the bypass routes. But now I don’t know how and with what to compare even. Everything is in a panic. At work, everyone pretends that they are so important, they do something, but in fact-internal anxiety for relatives, for those who stayed at home. And, in general, all this is very strange.

I don’t know what will happen today, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. At work, my friend lives in the corridor, I am serious. And she thinks to leave for permanent residence in St. Petersburg. She is afraid, very afraid and was originally very afraid. It is somehow more calm to me in this sense, I don’t even know why, to be honest.

I am a person with a fairly unusual reaction to all this. I do not run to the basement, I generally rarely leave the windows and hope for some incomprehensible fate that it will carry. I somehow treat death, to be honest: if she is prepared for you, then she will overtake you. And if not, no.

This is probably wrong. Nevertheless, I understand perfectly and realize that I will hardly live differently. I run out of the corridor maximum. And I certainly will not go down to any basements with rats.

Editor: Yegor Skovoroda