‘Embittered children’

What Russia teaches potential guardians about orphans forcibly taken from Ukraine

In mid-February 2022, as Russia launched its full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the Kremlin-backed authorities of the so-called “Donetsk and Luhansk People’s Republics” (“DNR” and “LNR”) announced a mass “evacuation” and began deporting orphaned and unaccompanied children to Russia. Since then, some estimates show that around 2,500 such children from occupied Ukrainian territories may have ended up in the Russian Federation. According to Russian Children’s Rights Commissioner Maria Lvova-Belova herself, around 1,500 unaccompanied Ukrainian children were transported to Russia and purportedly ended up in Russian orphanages. (Both she and Russian President Vladimir Putin are wanted by the International Criminal Court for their alleged complicity in the unlawful deportation of Ukrainian children, which is a war crime.) Media reports indicate others have been placed in foster homes or been “adopted” into Russian families. Before taking in these children, prospective “parents” are required to go through a special preparatory course. The independent outlet iStories learned what Russians looking to adopt or foster deported Ukrainian children are taught in this program. Meduza shares an abridged version in English.

‘Children with PTSD are difficult’

The first children forcibly taken from Ukraine at the start of the full-scale war were placed in foster families in the Moscow region in April 2022. Almost immediately, local authorities developed a special program to prepare foster and “adoptive” parents. Officially, the program says the children are “from the combat zone,” but from the content, it’s clear the children were brought to Russia from occupied parts of Ukraine.

According to the program’s description, prospective foster and adoptive parents must undergo an interview to determine their “motives, expectations, and understanding of the legal and other consequences of taking in children who have come from the combat zones.” In particular, they’re asked whether they have family or friends from Ukraine, how they think a child’s nationality affects their upbringing, and their views on the differences in raising boys and girls.

Ordinary programs for would-be foster and adoptive parents also have an interview component, but it doesn’t include questions about Ukrainian friends and family, an employee of a charity that helps orphaned children told iStories on condition of anonymity. According to him, the main goal of the separate program is to make sure families thinking about taking in children deported from Ukraine are well-informed of what awaits them, as not everyone can handle it.

“In the beginning [after they started bringing children from Ukraine to Russia], the guardianship offices’ phones were ringing off the hook — people wanted to take children into their families. Some did, and then they faced problems because children with PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder] are a difficult ordeal for the whole family. It’s not like the child will say: ‘Mommy, I’m so grateful to you, let me wash the dishes.’ This is a child who’s more likely to misbehave, not listen, not clean up after themselves, smear feces on the walls, fight, or withdraw into themselves. It will be far from idyllic,” he said. According to him, out of every 100 people who take part in ordinary foster and adoptive training programs, about 70 drop out. Here, the rate could be even higher.

A rush job

Everyone who wants to take in a child brought from Ukraine has to go through the program. “It’s very strict now. You have to go through training and get a certificate — otherwise, they won’t give the kids to you,” said an employee of a center that conducts these classes. She believes having a separate program for those assuming guardianship of “evacuated” children is justified as many of the children are traumatized and find it difficult to adapt to another country. “There are lots of problems there. After all, children from those places are embittered children,” she explained.

Foster parents who’ve attended the course praise the program. “It’s necessary and relevant, in my opinion,” said Anastasia, who went through the training. “They teach everything possible given the current realities, considering our current understanding of the situation in these republics [Ukraine’s annexed territories] and of children’s psychology and their reaction to trauma. It’s a bit rough around the edges because it’s clear what events necessitated its development. It was put together hastily, on the fly, and it’s not as detailed as it could be.”

At least 50 of these courses are planned for 2024. Training center employees say between two to 10 people attend each. In 2023, there were almost twice as many classes. It’s difficult to say how many families completed the program during the two years of full-scale war.

One of the program blocks is dedicated to issues related to “national and cultural traits.” Prospective parents are taught to overcome “difficulties in interethnic differences” and told to “create a multicultural environment in the family.” But it’s unclear exactly how this can be done safely in the current conditions in Russia, psychologists told iStories. “How can you create a multicultural environment if people are arrested for Ukrainian songs? If a child says their country was attacked, how should surrogate parents react?” asked one psychologist who works with orphaned children and adoptive parents.

‘A second home’

In order to help a child adapt, say “specialists” who conduct the trainings, one has to understand the typical features of their “social and national-psychological profile.” “At any moment, a situation might come up, amidst certain political interactions, that touches both on nationality and mentality. The better we understand the mentality of this people and the mentality of their children, the more we can help the child. The child’s national identity is a reality that needs to be taken into account and worked with,” said an instructor at a training session for social workers. Attendees weren’t told exactly how they should work with the children’s “mentality.”

Anastasia, who went through the sessions for prospective parents, said the program assumes that the culture and language of the children deported from Ukraine are the same as in Russia. “It was put together with the understanding that we have one national identity. When kids from the “LNR” and “DNR” came, there weren’t problems related to culture and language. Mostly, there were practical problems because orphanages there aren’t as developed as they are here: the kids haven’t used computers or spent time in the kitchen.”

Some families find it too challenging to raise children taken from occupied Ukrainian territories. In these cases, these children, who have already experienced war and forced deportation, are orphaned for a second time: they’re thrown back into the system and sent to a Russian orphanage. “There have been cases where the family couldn’t cope, and they had to give up [the children]. [The parents] were so worn out, pushed to a nervous breakdown, and they pleaded: ‘For God’s sake, take these kids away. We can’t handle it.’ We had to remove the children,” recalled one employee of a training center.

One child welfare specialist decried Russia’s approach: “Russia should have officially declared that it’s joining the international practice of not adopting children left without guardians as a result of warfare and that it will send information about each child to welfare services in Ukraine and make no decisions about the child’s fate without them. But if it were possible in Russia to do what’s needed from a professional point of view, there wouldn’t be any warfare.”

The program, however, makes no mention of trying to locate deported children’s relatives. Instead, parents and social workers are told to make a “second home” for them. “Children have come to another country, have found themselves in a situation where they have no home, no parents, no family,” say the instructors. “Therefore, our main job is creating conditions where the children don’t just become a part of the new family but also understand that they have a second home here which will accept them and help them overcome hardships.”

Story by Katya Bonch-Osmolovskaya