It is generally difficult for people to be

I have cyclotimia. What kind of disorder is this and how I struggle with him

Cyclotimia is a disease that is similar to a bipolar disorder, in which the mood cyclically changes from positive to negative. If you lead an active lifestyle for two weeks and turn the mountains, and then you can’t get out of bed for two weeks and feel apathy, then this can be a symptom of the disease. Cyclotimia can greatly worsen the quality of life and even increases the risk of bipolar disorder. Journalist Katya Letova lives with cyclotimia and was able to improve her condition without drugs. This is how she did it.

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A few years ago, I stumbled upon the Modern Love series. There was a series about the heroine with a bipolar disorder, about which at the beginning the viewer still did not know anything. In the first half of the series, the girl left the house, behaved actively and everyone smiled at her. In the second half, she could no longer get out of bed, did not come to work, and her apartment began to be filled with unwashed dishes, food for a remote scattered there and the clothes of clothes. At this moment, something clicked on me and I realized that I was exactly at the same point. For four days I have not washed the dishes, and around me there were delivery boxes.

But, unlike the heroine of the series, I could get up and work calmly, so I began to look for disorders similar to the bipolar, - so I learned about cyclothism. It turned out that this disorder is rarely diagnosed, because it notice it less often. The periods of the loss of strength and a reduced mood are felt as temporary downturn, and periods of hypomania (this is a state characterized by an increased mood, activity) - in general, as a norm.

I have a calendar in which I write in detail what and when it happened to me, so I was able to see when over the past couple of years there was hypomania, and when - a decline. The ascents and downs were cyclical. I was scared that at the beginning of the records between the peaks there was a month or two, and by the time of awareness of the disease-one to two weeks. But the worst thing in cyclotimia is that it can develop into a full -fledged bipolar disorder if the cycles are more intense.

When you have cyclotimia, it seems that a normal state is a rise. Super productivity, efficiency and social activity by default are considered the norm. And during the decline, a person begins to consider himself a bad, lazy or undisciplined. At such moments, I felt guilty and shame, because it seemed to me that I was not in accordance with myself.

I decided: “Okay, I have a hypothesis and there is such data. I’ll go to the psychotherapist and tell you about it. ” The psychotherapist gave me the contact of the psychiatrist, and I immediately went to the reception. After a short conversation, she confirmed the diagnosis. There was not a single point on which one could doubt that I had cyclotimium. On my fears, whether I have a bipolar disorder, she prescribed pills and said: “If you feel that the cycles are intensified and interfering with working or living, you can try to drink them.”

It's funny that I learned about cyclotimia through the series. This knowledge became for me a reason to carefully observe my condition and after myself. And I also stopped idealizing hypomania, to consider this state the only normal and desirable. Also, after the session, the psychotherapist completely left my feelings of guilt and shame and it became much easier to live.

What is cyclotimia?

Cyclotimi, or cyclotimic disorder, causes mood changes - from decline to emotional upsurge. Often the symptoms are quite mild, so people do not seek help, or emotional ups are pleasant to them, so they do not realize that something is wrong. But mood swings can affect everyday life and cause problems in personal and working relationships.

If you have cyclothimium, then once every couple of months you will have periods of the loss of forces, followed by periods of happiness and excitement (hypomania), when you do not need to sleep a lot, you are more sociable and impulsive and feel a lot of energy. The periods of poor mood do not last long and are not so difficult that they can be diagnosed as depression.

To make a diagnosis, it is important that symptoms have been observed for at least two years in adults and a year in children and adolescents. Cyclotimium can develop in a full bipolar disorder, so it is important to get help on time.

We must slow down

In the end, I did not need pills. In my case, my own efforts turned out to be enough. This is what I did when I left the psychiatrist. Firstly, I started the EMOODS application-this is a tracking of mood for people with a bipolar disorder in which you can fix all the cycles. Secondly, she refused caffeine in a good mood. I noticed that when I feel good, I want me to be even better and I was even more vigorous, and the coffee accelerates: I will drink it and work.

Thirdly, my friends, who had a similar experience, suggested to me-you need to act in contrast to the state. If activity increases, it is necessary to slow down by all means: pay attention to breathing, which becomes superficial, avoid stimulants (alcohol, coffee, energy). And when the decline, on the contrary, is important to pull yourself out at least for a short time. I carefully drove myself for walks and ventilated. And here you can just drink a little coffee.

Fourth, it is important to evenly distribute the workload and not to swing the pendulum: not to try to do everything in a state of rise, but on the decline you need to not indulge the desire to do nothing at all.

Fifth, I began to purposefully regain calm at the body level. I focused on breathing practices, yoga and mode, and also read less news and limited the use of gadgets. Now I remove what increases the level of anxiety and stress, and more often practice what calms.

Many people with cyclotimia notice that in hypomania they begin to sleep less. It was not so noticeable for me: on the rise, I slept for seven hours, and not nine, as during downs. But for those who have such a problem, it is important to establish a sleep mode. For many, periods of rise and decline are associated with the change of seasons. I usually had a minus November and July, but this is not happening to everyone.

Now, three years later, the cycles have become approximately the same as they can be normal. Many people have ups and downs of moods and energy, they just are not so strong and do not interfere with living. The last conscious subdepressive episode I had in November last year. Now-a very small decline, not comparable to what happened before: I still lead an active lifestyle.

Either active or you can't get up

Since all this information was new to me, I often wrote about cyclotimia on the blog. And some friends at first thought: “How it doesn’t look like me!”, And then they also found that they also have cyclicality in a change of mood. When you read about it, it is difficult to shift it to yourself. It seems that this is not about you and you don’t have that. I have always been a pretty sensitive person to myself, but still I lived for 30 years without realizing that I have strong mood swings that interfere. I attributed them to external circumstances, the diet, sleep - to anything, but I would never have thought that there were internal reasons.

Usually the decline prevents live and work, so they are the first to realize it. If this is your case, try to calculate how many days in a row you are not "not very." This “not very” can manifest itself in different ways: not only the decline of mood and strength, but also, for example, anxiety.

If bad days follow one after another longer than a week, this is an occasion to look closely at yourself, ask yourself questions and look for the reason. Friends and relatives also help to notice conditions. They always say about cyclotimics that they have two personalities: you are either very active, visible and noticeable, or you cannot stand up from the couch for days. Close people can tell you if it is like you.

And, of course, if you notice similar symptoms in yourself, it is better to share your fears with a psychiatrist. Many need tablets to facilitate the condition. I was also ready to drink them, but at first I wanted to check whether it was necessary.

At the same time, every day I think that I need to keep balance. Strong stress often throw us back into our old habits - I am no exception. But you can try not to peck on a quick dopamine or at least do it rarely. This is a matter of prioritization: almost everyone has an hour that can be devoted to sports, yoga, meditation and thoughts, and not the Internet or series. Anxiety for myself allowed me to become more conscious and even alleviate the condition without pills. And if you have goals or dreams that you want to fulfill, this can also motivate keeping the balance. Of course, not everyone will work, and even if it works, it will not be a light path for anyone. But it is generally difficult for people.