My child was squeezed out of school because of my transgenderness

The director said: "It is better that the dad is not"

The heroine of the "cold", the transgender woman Julia from St. Petersburg four years ago received permission to transition, but refused him due to health problems. He and his wife raised two daughters, Julia worked on building harmonious relations with her wife, who at first difficult her transgender, and colleagues. Meanwhile, in Russia, nuts gradually twisted more and more. Now the non-existent “LGBT movement” is declared extremist, raids in gay clubs are regularly held and criminal cases are initiated for the “propaganda of LGBT”. All this affected the life of Julia: recently, he and his wife were forced to pick up her daughter from school because of the threats from the director. Julia told the "cold" how it was and what is happening with their "non -traditional" family now.

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We do not name the real name of the heroine and omitted some details of her story for security reasons.

In 2020, I received permission for a transgender transition, but I did not even make it because of the previous health problems in which I was not recommended to undergo surgery. In addition, because of the change of gender marker, most likely, I would have to divorce my wife, and, of course, I did not want to do this.

We can say that I am forcedly Nebinarian: even after 20 years of hormonal therapy, I do not look absolutely femino, although my chest has grown. But I also do not look masculino either. I'm talking about myself in both male and female gender.

I thought to change the name for a female passport: it seemed to me that this would improve the quality of my life. But without surgery, an authentic female image is still impossible. You can’t go far on one cosmetology. I need two hours to get together and look like a woman, and with small children and difficult work I physically have this time.

My wife and I are still together. If four years ago it was not easy for her to accept me as I am, now now she is no longer confused by my appearance. For example, on my birthday we went to the theater as two girls. However, I can’t say that the tension has completely gone: the spouse is very worried about the tightening of the law, is afraid that they can attack me, and also-that all this can affect her work.

So it happened.

A few months ago, the wife got a job as a teacher at school - to teach in high school. Our youngest daughter went to first grade. The spouse's work schedule did not always coincide with the schedule of my daughter, so sometimes I was taken to school. In March, one of the elementary school teachers saw us together. I am with a beard, manicure and makeup-she immediately suspected something wrong and began to ask my daughter who leads her to school. The daughter, without suspecting anything bad, explained that dad (I do not mind that the children call me dad, so it is easier for everyone).

- Dad should not look like mom!

“Dad may look like a mother, but still remain a dad,” the daughter objected.

After a couple of days, the class teacher of the youngest daughter told my wife that she had nothing against us, but this “situation” is straining other teachers. And then the director called us to school.

I was scared to go there: there was no confidence that the police would not wait for me. The director with direct text stated that, they say, so, traditional, their mother, values. “We have children of puberty here, they will still look around. In this situation, you have an option to divorce. We report this to the rest. Dad is dad, mom is mom, and since dad looks like a mother, it means that, in accordance with traditional values, it is better that there is no dad. Let him pay alimony, but will be limited in rights and does not communicate with children. ” The director said that only in this case my wife would not lose their job.

The next option that she proposed was the dismissal of my wife of her own free will and the search for a new school for the child. “Leave voluntarily. You come up with any reason why the child is no longer studying. We cannot afford an unconventional family in the teaching staff. Of course, you can begin to rest and download your rights, but then we will turn to custody and you will lead you by force. ”

I answered the director that it is not like that among parents, but among children in schools there are always representatives of LGBT. And one way or another, everyone sees it. The director did not try to object, but said that she did not want to get school in history. In parting, I said that if she has a need to consult LGBT children, she could contact me, and we said goodbye.

I am glad that I had the opportunity to talk with the director and look in her eyes. That she saw that a trace man can be on equal terms with her and that not all can be humiliated. It became even clearer for me that the education system was saturated with fear and lost its main function - care for children.

The wife quit and took the documents of her daughter from school. For her, this is a strong blow, because teaching is the meaning of her life. I will now try to earn more so that the spouse can choose where and with whom she wants to work in the future. Fortunately, I have such an opportunity.

We explained to the child what happened in the style of "this school broke down, carry another." There are a lot of schools, we will find something else. We will look for those where they teach not fear, but a sense of dignity. I wrote a post about this in English in my social networks: I want friends from other countries to see what the world comes to when lawmakers begin to play xenophobia and transfoby.

The eldest daughter is studying at another school. Her girlfriends know me, teachers were also seen at parent meetings. There are no problems yet, perhaps because the spouse does not work in this school - but they will undoubtedly appear taking into account new realities. In general, the school has a friendly atmosphere. Recently, the eldest wanted to engage in labor lessons with boys. I talked with the head teacher, and she said that she would only be glad, so the eldest now makes crafts made of wood with boys and was simply happy.

At work, I have no problems: in the field of IT there are many peculiar people, so I feel quite calm. But the normal attitude of my colleagues to me is the result of many years of systematic work. Still, for most people is not natural when a person does not look the way they are used to since childhood. My boss once admitted that before meeting me was a terry homophobe and transfob that I changed his worldview and he realized that non-standard people could be very interesting.

Gender holidays got me here, and on February 23 last year I came to work in a dress and with a beard. Some colleagues of Profigel, and a few days later asked how best to contact me. It comes to the ridiculous: at meetings, some of the colleagues use one name, part of the other, but everyone understands each other perfectly. If people have a desire, I enlighten them about the charms of the modern and more humane world: for example, colleagues came to me for advice, whose children made a camming out-they wanted to know how best to communicate with them.

A few months ago, a person who introduced himself as an investigator called me, said that they wrote a denunciation to me because of LGBT propaganda, and suggested that they meet and chat. Last year, I just administered one of the T-chats (chats where transgender people communicate.-Approx. “Cold”) , and I was threatened by unknown people with swastika on avatars: they pierced me on the bases and wrote messages in telegrams, contacting the passport name. I suspect that they wrote a denunciation. I asked me to call me later, hung my phone and no longer answered calls. They searched for me at the place of registration, but no one came to work. Colleagues supported me very much, and the company even offered a relay.

This whole situation for me is just one of the technical problems that need to be solved. Yes, exciting when they call "to the organs." But it is even more unpleasant that instead of work it will be necessary to spend your time on meaningless conversations. The lawyers who unanimously advised me to leave and run most of all. But running is not about me. In addition, part of the people, my flight would only strengthen the opinion that it is better not to live in Russia. This will affect the overall perception of the transson.

I plan to stay in Russia as much as I can. Just so that people for whom I am an example have had the hope that they can survive even in such an environment. So that the ill -wishers did not have a reason to grind about departure. So that I have something to rely on, if I still have to leave, and that there was something to go back for.