Girls are tired of the behavior of men in editing applications

They choose self -development instead of sex

Tiktok has a new trend - Boy Sber, or “sobriety from men”: young girls refuse an endless pursuit of relationships in order to devote the free time to care about themselves. "Cold" tells why the Zumers choose "Celibath" and what does the application for dating.

In order not to miss the main materials of the "cold", subscribe to our Instagram and telegram .

In the fall of 2023, 26-year-old comicic from New York Hope Woodard decided to visit her grandmother in Tennessee. Hope's grandmother has a dementia. She wrote messages to her deceased husband and was angry that he did not answer her. The trip to the grandmother helped Hope to look at his personal life in a new way.

During the trip, Hope all the time felt anxiety because of a love drama: on the eve, she met a guy in a deed-application. They went to a few dates, it seemed that everything was going well, but he stopped responding to her messages.

“I was in my standby mode all the time and checked my phone as a crazy one. And suddenly I realized the fact that he doesn’t care whether I was alive or not, ”Hope later recalled . - I am one of a long series of women who could never live without a man. This led me to the idea: someday I will be the same as my grandmother. <...> I thought it was time to break out of this vicious circle. "

Returning home, Hope deleted all the acting applications and promised himself that in 2024 she would not go on dates. Together with her sister, they came up with the term Boy Sber (that is, approximately “sober from the guys”), and Hope spoke about her decision in Tiktok.

Very soon she had follows. Girls post their videos with a hashtag Boy Sober and say that they also abandoned the relationship.

Club rules

Boy Sober rules are rather strict :

• no dating applications;
• no dates;
• no flirting with the former;
• no random connections;
• No sex, hugs and kisses.

How long such abstinence will last, each member of Challenga decides for herself. So, for example, some girls paused "sobriety" for the summer to understand themselves and take a break from toxic relationships.

Others completely abandon clear time frames. For example, 28-year-old Karli Galluso, who joined Boy Sber in January, enjoys his loneliness and does not even think about returning to romantic relations again.

“I do not feel lonely, how I felt in a relationship,” says Carley. “I'm not afraid to be left alone anymore.” I know that this will not happen, because during this time I have a lot of good friends. ” At the same time, Carly continues to communicate with men and receives invitations to dates, but refuses, explaining that "now he does not meet with anyone."

The founder of the Trend Hope Woodard insists that the main task of Boy Sober is not to impose hard restrictions, but on the contrary - to help girls drop the load of accumulated problems. Hope has nothing against sex and emphasizes that the main difference between Boy Sober and the classic celibacy is freedom of will. According to her, for her this is a way not so much to relax from the relationship as to understand , what she really wants, and learn to say no.

“I am a little angry with myself for all the sex I agreed to. It seems to me that this was not my decision. For the first time I feel that I own my body, ” says Hope.
She says that in the spring she “broke” and had sex, but she realized that this was not a problem. “First, when this happened, I felt like a hypocrite. I was very strict to myself. But then I realized that the meaning of Boy Sber is just to try to reconfigure your brain and your old habits, ” said Hope.

The girls are not afraid to miss the relationship of dreams. The journalist and participant of Boy Sober Daria Yazmienes believes that, if desired, the man in love with her will be able to wait for the end of the “celibacy”.

“If a man tries to achieve me, he needs to meet my criteria or wait patiently until my path is over,” she writes in his column. “I want to put myself in first place in every aspect of my life.”

Why now?

According to Lisa Portolan, the teacher of the Sydney Technological University and a specialist in relations in the digital era, the emergence of such a trend was the popularization of online dating and the abundance of acting applications. Most users regularly encounter insulting behavior, uninvited sexual images, requirements to send intimate photos and even stalking. However, complaints about such behavior do not solve the problem.

“Often, a woman again came across the same person in another or even in the same application,” says Portolan.

“My studies show that for many women, a trauma from staying in dating applications should not be able to meet a partner - many indicate that they are not ready to sacrifice their mental or physical health,” Portolan explains .

All this leads to the fact that the popularity of online dating is reduced . And the shares of Bumble and Match Group, the Tinder, continue to fall .

According to Portolan, Boy Sber is an attempt by women to create a safer space for themselves and protect themselves from toxic communication.

Her words are confirmed by the publication of market researchers from the consulting company Savanta. According to their study on the popularity of the acting applications among the zumers, more than 90% of the Z generation Representatives say that at least once they were very disappointed with the experience of using the dating application. 21% of young people who are not married and are actively looking for a partner no longer use sites and dating applications.

According to Savanta, the young people of the Z generation, after the pandemic, began to reflect more on the topic of romantic relationships. Non -binding acquaintances faded into the background, and young people began to interest deep emotional ties much more. Even before the beginning of the pandemic, the Zumers fought with the stigmatization of loneliness, and this tendency continues to this day.

“Unlike previous generations, the Z generation does not feel the pressure related to relations. Our data show that more than a third of people aged 16–24 years describe themselves as “happily lonely,” the report says .

Boy Sber reaction

In May 2024, the trend reacted to the Bumble online dating service to the popularity. The company turned to Boy Sber participants through advertising billboards: “You should not refuse to date and become a nun” and “a vow of celibacy - not a way out.”

The company was immediately criticized on social networks. Some users were indignant that the responsibility for the fall in popularity in the application application was shifted exclusively to women.

“The fact that @bumble has released all these advertisements that attack women in a hidden form due to our decision not to appear in applications, not meet, observe cellard, but do not discuss the behavior of men in these applications, says a lot”

In response, the company apologized for unsuccessful advertising and explained that she just wanted to joke.

Stars Boy Sber

In May 2024, the trend was supported by the Hollywood actress Julia Fox. She admitted that she was refraining from sex and romantic relations for more than two years and this “amazing” experience made her life only better.

The model and actress Jordan Emanuel also said that she refrained from sexual relations for two years until she met a person who really suits her: “I would say that it has become easier, because now I know exactly what I want.”

In June, a voluntary celiva was told by the TV station Chloe Kardashian, which abandoned a romantic relationship in 2022. Nothing confuses this to Chloe, however, according to her, she often encounters condemnation from relatives.

According to the TV star, now it is impossible to include romantic meetings in her schedule. “I need to get up at 04:30, so from 9 pm to 04:30 in the morning - my time,” explains Chloe. “I just don't want someone to break my routine.” I am comfortable in my rhythm. ”

The musician Lenny Kravitz also spoke about the rejection of a romantic relationship. In a conversation with journalists, he said that he intends to observe the celibacy, as this makes him better. According to Kravitsa, once his father admitted to him that he was cheating on his wife, and stated that someday the musician would also act with his lover Lisa Bona. When his father’s prophecy came true, Kravits realized that he needed to work on himself.

According to him, it is important not to allow "your desires to prevail." Kravitz has not entered into any romantic relationship for nine years, as he has been waiting for a suitable companion.

***

In February 2024, Hope Woodard made a stand -up dedicated to Boy Sber in a small Brooklyn bar with the eloquent name Purgatory (purgatory).

“Perhaps we are one of the first generations of women who actually do not need to cling to a man in order to receive energy, power and all that,” Hope said to its viewers.