Translated material
I was raped in Berlin
In April 2022, 22-year-old Anna moved to Berlin. At the beginning of 2023, an emigrant from Russia raped her. For the past two years, she tried to bring the case to court, but could not prove to the police that she did not agree to sex. Anna told the Cold, why is the victim of rape so hard to achieve justice in Germany, and how she coped with PTSD.
The criminal is still free. The police decided that I did not resist enough
I always dreamed of trying to live in different countries, and it seemed to me that in Europe I would feel safer than in Russia. I worked as a technical developer in the Russian office Deutsche Bank, but in March 2022 the bank decided to close all Russian divisions. I was offered to relocate from Moscow to Berlin and continue to work in the company. I immediately realized that this is a cool opportunity that cannot be missed.
Despite the fact that the employer helped me with the legalization and search of housing, at first it was difficult in the new country: without German, I felt uncomfortable, my usual environment disappeared. Basically, I talked with emigrants from Russia.
January 15, 2023, a friend invited me to his home at a party. He wanted to play board games and drink wine with Russian -speaking friends. In this company, I met a guy who joked a lot, talked about his girlfriend, boasted that he was studying at the Gumboldt Berlin University, handed over German to C1 and preparing to receive German citizenship.
I told him that I was working in Deutsche Bank, and he asked me to recommend it in the company at the opportunity. We parted at about eight in the evening. When I arrived home, this guy wrote to me that I would like to continue communication right now. I did not notice in his messages of sexual connotation and decided that I had to communicate more actively with people, so I invited him to my home. I thought that a man from the top university of Berlin, who has a girlfriend and with whom I have many common friends, cannot be dangerous for me.
They asked how exactly I expressed my disagreement
As soon as I closed the door to the apartment behind him, he attacked me and began to kiss and bite aggressively. I was very scared and from surprise I did not understand how to react. I pulled away, but did not beat him or scream. There was a breath, and if my reaction was important to him, he would have noticed how much I was scared.
He threw me on the bed, began to strangle and raped me, and then said that he wanted to sleep, and remained lying on the bed. I was lying nearby, but could not fall asleep. At night, he touched me several times and tried to take off my clothes, but I pulled it back. At about seven in the morning I told him that I had to go to work, and persuaded him to leave. I understood that something strange and terrible happened, I felt bad, I could not work all day. But I was scared to call it rape.
A few hours after this person left, I wrote to close friends and described the situation. One of them immediately said that this is a rape. Two days later, I phoned a psychotherapist, and she also called the incident to violence. I was looking for information on the Internet, I tried to understand what to do, to whom to contact for help, and found the Lara women's center in Berlin ( the crisis care center for women who became victims of rape and sexual harassment. - approx. "Cold"). The rape occurred on the night of Sunday to Monday, on Wednesday I had a meeting in the women's center, where they simply sympathized with me, but did not say anything specific.
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I found information that there is a special service in Berlin in the clinic in Berlin, which makes medical examinations, but could only come to the reception on Friday. At that moment, I still did not understand if I wanted to write a statement to the police. It was no longer possible to do a complete medical examination: after that night I was washed immediately. My abrasions and bruises were photographed in the clinic, and a week later they sent me a folder with documents that had to be taken to the police station. Then I realized that I would still have to contact the police.
I wrote a statement online. Two weeks later, they contacted me, said that my business was taken to work, and asked to send all the documents that I have, including personal correspondence. I requested a lawyer from Lara, who could represent me in the police and in court.
The first interview took place only in April, three months after the rape. I asked the lawyer how to prepare for interrogation, but she just advised “telling the truth”. During the interview, they asked me how exactly I resisted, how I expressed my disagreement, whether there were already signs at the party that this person has sexual intentions towards me, and why I did not tell him that I did not like it, When they strangle me.
I said that it was more comfortable for me to give an interview in English, but in the site they insisted that I speak Russian, and provided a translator to German, who often did not understand what I was saying. After the interview, the lawyer said that there was little chance of winning the matter, since I did not resist enough.
As she explained, in Germany it was necessary to prove that the rapist understood for sure that the victim did not agree to sexual contact, otherwise the police could not do anything. Even on a medical examination, you need to get in the first 24 hours, and only then is there a chance to achieve punishment. According to her, in Germany, most of these cases do not end. I wrote emails to the police, asked me to give me the opportunity to once again explain the situation, but I was ignored.
In 2023, the German police recorded 39 thousand cases of sexualized violence. Although two -thirds of cases of rape are completed with convictions in the country, women often (according to some reports, in 84% of cases) do not inform the police about what happened: they feel guilty, especially if they know the criminal personally, agreed with him about the meeting or invited him To your home.
My psychologist was ready to testify: she diagnosed my post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)-but due to the fact that it is in Russia, the police did not communicate with her. Also, police officers did not communicate with all my friends who live outside Germany and with whom I discussed this situation. I realized that I need to hire a new lawyer for my money. I managed to achieve a second interview only in a year.
I was scared to leave the house
Immediately after the rape, I blocked this person, but a day later he wrote to me from another account. I tried to bring him to the dialogue so that he admitted that there was no consent to sexual intercourse on my part. He invited me to meet in a cafe, said that he realized that he had offended me, and would like to continue communication as friends, but I refused.
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A month after the rape, I asked this guy to throw me a resume with contact data, supposedly in order to recommend him to Deutsche Bank, but in fact I wanted to transmit information about him to the police. Police officers promised to warn me if they called him for an interview. I worried that, knowing my home address and place of work, he could attack me again.
At some point, I noticed that he had deleted our chat and blocked me-it became clear that he was called for interrogation. I wrote to the police and asked why they did not warn me. They answered me that this should happen - they wanted to know his vision of the situation. I think they just forgot about our agreements. After that, I did not receive any news for a whole year, no one tried to contact me, and all this time I lived with the feeling that at any moment this person could attack me.
For a whole year I felt very bad. I had obvious signs of PTSD. I was scared to ride in public transport, it often seemed that some man looked like him. I bought a pepper spray and a personal alarm, which makes a loud sound and glows. She constantly peered into the windows of cars in which people were sitting, worried that he was following me, it was scary to leave the house. I could work online, but my productivity fell strongly because I did not want to live.
The guys from the company in which I met the rapist, I deliberately shunned. It seemed to me that they were to blame for what happened to me. It was easier for me to avoid everything that reminded me of that evening. The organizer of the party wrote me several times and offered to see me, but I did not find the strength to answer. About what happened that night, I told him only a year and a half later, but he did not tell me anything.
The second interview was held in the spring of 2024. It was in the courtroom, in the presence of a lawyer of the accused, prosecutor and social worker, which I myself asked in case it became bad for me because of questions like “maybe you yourself wanted it?”, Who sounded in the first interrogation. Otherwise, the second interview was no different from the first. I told everything the same, only this time I had a good translator from Russian to German. In December 2024, I received a letter stating that the police did not find enough evidence to transfer the case to the court, and I filed an appeal.
I thought my life is over
When I moved to Germany, I had illusions that it was safe here and everyone cares about women's rights. Only a year after that night, I began to go to meetings, meet new people and talk about violence openly. I had several familiar girls who survived the rape in Germany, but not one of them reported this to the police.
Since January of this year, Deutsche Bank ordered all employees to work in the office. I tried to explain to the manager that it is difficult for me to be in a large noisy room, where there are many people, showed a certificate from a psychiatrist that I have PTSD and I need special working conditions. According to the law in Germany, mental diseases are also considered diseases. The manager said that they can give me more time to get used to the office, but the company's policy does not allow me to work in a separate room or from home. I did not tell anyone at work about rape. I am still afraid to hear in response something that hurts me very much.
At first I wanted to change the apartment, but in Berlin, as in many European cities, a lot of competition for housing. I thought that my life was over, that I do not know how to continue to live, and I need to make suicide. I was supported by psychotherapy, and all year I traveled a lot: it helped to escape, gave me the feeling that I was returning to the world before it happened to me. I stayed in an old apartment, but changed the location of the furniture and threw away all the things that this person touched. In the first week, I washed and treated everything with an antiseptic.
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I’m not sure that the appeal will work, but I want first of all to feel felt that I did everything that I could not regret it later, that I didn’t try something, and therefore the person remained unpunished.
I learned the fact that in Germany the victims of violent crimes have the right to free psychological assistance and payments, when I came to a psychiatric clinic. I was assigned 10 free sessions with a psychologist. I filled out the application for financial assistance, but more than a year passed, but I was not provided to me.
I believe that I have become much better, although I continue to carry the pepper can with me. For a couple of years of my life, I spent just surviving - in my career and self -development all this time was stagnation. Of course, if this did not happen, my life would have developed in a completely different way, but I try to think positively and not identify myself as a victim all my life.
I think I will do everything so as not to get into such a situation again. I began to go to Krav-Maga (hand-to-hand combat technique.-Approx. "Cold") , study self-defense, tried to engage in boxing, studied the laws of Germany. At least I will no longer let a poorly familiar man into my apartment. I wanted to become a volunteer in an organization that helps victims of violent crimes, but they told me that they only work professional social workers. I teach German and I hope that over time I can find feminist organizations that I can join.
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"Cold" needs your help to work further
We continue to work, resisting prohibitions and repression in order to maintain independent journalism for Russia the future. How do we do it? Thanks to the support of thousands of caring people.
What are we dreaming about?
About simple and at the same time complex - the ability to work further. Life will change many times beyond recognition, but we, the editors of the Cold, want to stay with you, our readers.
Support the “cold” today, so that we continue to do what we are best done - to be independent media. Thank you!
Author: Emma Doblolovich Illustrations: Nastya Da.