"Child and child"

The story of the novel from the PMC "Wagner", which, returning, could not find out his own daughter

When [partial] mobilization began, I thought they would call me. But this did not happen. Classmates, friends, neighbors left ... and I decided that I would go without a summons.

The loved ones dissuaded. And the mother, and the girl, and the ex -wife is useless. They only decided not to injure her daughter - they told her that the food was to repair the railway.

I myself did not understand where I was going. Only from the films knew about ***. I watched a lot of military films. But when I got on the front line, everything turned out to be different ...

***

At the urgent service, the machine was held twice: in the oath and at the training ground. And in the training of Wagner in two weeks I tried an automatic machine, and a machine gun, and RPG. We were taught to shoot from every type of weapon. I liked it. It was very interesting.

We were attack aircraft. We were prepared only for storm. They taught how to shoot in forest plantations, in high -rise buildings, in living rooms. The discipline was the strictest. Before signing the contract, they asked ten times whether it agrees or not. There were four gold rules: looting - “200”, alcohol or drugs - “200”, desertion - “200”, rape - “200”. I think this is fair.

***

The first assault ... We had to take the forestry regiment. I had doubts-I thought that it would be scary to eliminate someone. He was afraid to get confused. Such thoughts were: “Maybe this is the last assault. First and the last. " But surprisingly, everything went easily.

I remember the first liquidated perfectly ... At first, somehow my hands faded, there was an experience, and then-as a joy: the more you liquidate, the fewer our boys will die. Everyone has a different reaction to this: someone became bad for someone, someone even rushed. I did not have such sensations. If you return everything back, I would repeat the same.

- Why are you saying "eliminate"?

- I'm used to it. There are no such people who are not ... But this is not a person to go out on the street ... This is completely different.

I know how many liquidated. I will not call. Many guys at the front believe that they sometimes talk about this on the smokers. Do not flaunt each other: “You are 10, and I am 20” - on the contrary: everyone rejoice for you if you did well. I do not think this is a sin.

So, the first assault ... He was very successful with us. Not a single “200”, even not a single “300”. It gave very confidence.

You know that Wagner is a structure that never retreats. We performed the task at any cost.

No matter how they strengthen the position, whatever their weapons they have. Yes, we will have both 200 and 300 - this is “how to hello”. But if one group cannot cope, another is suitable. We will achieve our own anyway. If we were told to take a forestry regiment or a high -rise building, we will lie in bones. We simply do not have such a rule - to retreat.

***

- Did they try to surrender? Well, as they tried ... Maybe they tried. (...)

***

After the first assault, when we moved from the point, we were sent to rest. Some village was there and in it an abandoned house-there. And when we all gathered together, we rejoiced insanely that they were alive. I could not believe. There was not a single “three hundred”. This is a rarity.

The feeling is incomparable. Adrenaline goes off scale. Here, in civilian, I never experienced anything like this. I never thought in my life - and I would not have believed anyone if whoever told me - what I would fight. And here is the first battle, victory and all survived. Incredible.

Then, of course, I lost a lot of guys. There is a lot of straight.

***

The most important reward for me is Wagner's Black Cross. He is awarded for special merits: for courage, for courage. Therefore, he is very expensive for me. When they said that they would give me, I could not even believe. They told me: “Why not? You proved your courage. " This is as the Order "For Merit to the Fatherland" II degree. As a state award, but only awarded in Vagnere.

The second medal is the Bakhmut meat grinder. It was received by everyone who participated in the battles for Bakhmut. Most likely, even posthumously gave.

And another medal is “for taking Bakhmut”. Generally speaking, when he was taken - May 20 - I was already at home. But I was almost enough to serve, and the leadership decided to reward me too.

All these awards are very valuable to me. I keep them. I wear very rarely. Unless, at school, when they ask you to speak ... And so I have my place for them.

***

My last battle ... We went to storm, but their forces exceeded ours. Artillery began to work right for us. Anapik - we had such a fighter - by the walkie -talkie, he says: “I all flow ... I am a heavy“ 300 ”. I run to him, but it's too late. That is, there were 12 people, then there were 8, then 3. We won us. We defended us as we could, but it was useless. One leg was torn off, I am shell -shocked - I don’t hear anything, the blood flows from the ears. The last thing I remember is the arrival.

There were three hospitals. And when I wrote out ... well, I had not just a concussion. I *** remembered, but everything else - no. I did not remember where to go. The memory was erased. Three phones I had recorded: mother, girl and ex -wife. They helped me buy a ticket to Krasnodar. In Krasnodar, the guy helped buy a ticket to Rossoshi. The taxi driver brought to my city from Rossosh. And he plants me, but I don’t know where to go further. I was born in this city, I know every street here, but I can’t understand where to go. The feeling that has never been here.

Even when the daughter came, I look at her: "Well, the child and the child." Photos are shown to me: we are standing with her, but for me it does not mean anything. I tried to walk with her, but there was no joy and feelings.

With his mind he understood that this was my child, tried not to upset her, but she was a smart girl and understood everything ...

I had no joy - to no one. Everyone says: "Roma, hello!" And for me ... I tried to move away from people.

It was wild for me that there-in the Donbass-people are not gathering for more than two or three, but here they go in crowds. I did not know that he did not fly here, that here far from the front and people live another life. I could not get used to it for a long time.

*** He remembered. How I was driving, how artillery shot. How we got into the ring.

It was bad for me. I did not know where to go, with whom to communicate. The doctor said: “You can never remember anything, but you can remember tomorrow or a month later - no one will definitely tell you.” And suddenly, after three months, something began to dream from an old life. And I began to remember - so delighted. The first two days, when he remembered, did not say anything to anyone. And then his mother called - the mother was very happy. I went to my daughter - she was also very happy, so much happiness ...

Today I already remember everything.

***

I try not to watch news on TV. They say what is needed. And if everyone said, as it really ... Maybe everything would be different.

But here is also a stick about the two ends. As one more experienced said to me: “Even when there was a Great Patriotic War, when Soviet troops suffered losses, they wrote in the Red Star that our army was advancing ... So that when the Soviet man was reading, he had some kind of spirit.” And if they wrote the whole truth, maybe there would be no victory. Maybe it is necessary ...

But for me - yes. I immediately switch. I know that this is nonsense, that this is not true. Maybe you can’t tell the truth.

I don't watch military films anymore. Although I used to watch - every military film watched. And now I can't. I tried: I can withstand the first five minutes and switch.

Everything is wrong with *** ...

***

The world is to declare now? I think not. I would not want to. Why do this? So that they build the trenches again and pull up the weapon? To start again ***? I believe that if the guys stayed there - especially mobilized, contractors, who from the first day ... In general, let's go to the end. To make the buffer zone, there were no arrivals.

And with whom to negotiate? With America? It is useless to talk to them. Europe is all against us. They are ready to transport their last weapons to Ukrainians. I don’t know why they are so afraid of us. Why do we need this Europe?

I think we have never climbed there. Have we ever started the first? No, we only defended ourselves in my memory all the time.

- But in fairness, it began after the appeal of Vladimir Putin.

- But we, for our people, it turns out, stand. They were the first to start the war. They were the first to shoot. On February 22, the arrival of Belgorod, it turns out, was. And then we answered. I think this cannot be forgiven.