Translated material
These girls are brought up as boys
In Afghanistan, it is considered a shame if the family has only girls. Therefore, some families grow daughters as if they are sons - they are appropriately educated and dressed, called male names. What happens to such girls when they grow up, and what should they be “Bacha-Posh”-in the material of “Cold” .
All because of the shame to which families are subjected to, where there are no sons
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If only a boy
Every mother should give birth to a son - this is how it is believed in Afghanistan, a country with a patriarchal way of society, where after coming to the power of the Taliban, women lost many basic rights: they cannot get an education , move along the street without a relative of the male and even sing in public.
If a couple is born a girl, this is regarded as failure and humiliation
Families without boys in Afghanistan are considered weak and vulnerable. After all, a girl living according to Muslim customs cannot protect and feed her family, and at an early age she will probably be married - and she will “belong” to her husband.
Therefore, if a couple is born a girl, this is regarded as failure and humiliation. In such cases, the mother often leaves the hospital in tears. If she lives in the village, probably neighbors and relatives will ridicule her, and her husband may not give her to eat for several days, beat or expel from the house to spend the night with a cattle.
When a male infant is born, this, on the contrary, is considered a reason for pride. The family arranges a ceremony with music, prayers and a feast, mothers bring gifts. Therefore, many women hope that they will have a son, not a daughter.
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It is especially difficult for those who over and over the girls appear. Such mothers in society are often rejected - for them there is even an offensive definition of the definition of “Dokhtar Zay” (translated from the language of Dari means “giving birth to girls”).
Over a father who has only daughters, they can also mock. Such men in Afghanistan are called "Mada Posht" - "The one whose woman gives birth only to girls."
"Better a fake son than no"
Patriarchal traditions and the rigid separation of gender roles in Afghanistan existed long before the Taliban came to power, albeit not in such a hyperbolized form. It is with them that the emergence of the tradition “Bach-Posh” is associated-in translation from the language of Dari, it means “dressed as a boy”.
The bottom line is that families, where there are no sons, grow their daughter as a boy - she is called a male name, they cut it shortly and dressed in men's clothes. Such a girl is allowed to play on the street with boys, study, play sports and leave home alone. She can even accompany on the street a mother or sister as a “male-related man”, without whom they cannot move.
In a sense, for a girl this may be privileges. Her status in the family becomes “masculine” - they do not require it to be cleaned or cooked, and she grows up in conditions of relative freedom, while her peers are limited by many prohibitions and rules of decency.
"I asked:" Why don't you give money to my sisters? " He answered: “Because they are girls” ”
“In Afghanistan, women are Bechora (helpless). Men must control them, they are below men. You cannot get a job, even if you want. Only housework remains, ” explains a 44-year-old resident of Afghanistan. The life of the “Bacha-Posh” can be much more diverse-at least until they grow up.
The woman, who is called Masuda in the media, says that in childhood, being a “Bach-Posh”, she felt how differently people perceive the boys: her grandfather treated her better than sisters and gave money. "I asked:" Why don't you give money to my sisters? " He replied: "Because they are girls."
In 2014, journalist Jenny Nordberg published the book “Underground Girls Kabula” - she went to Afghanistan for several years and gathered the stories of women who played the role of boys and their loved ones in childhood.
"When you have no sons, this is a great misfortune and everyone is sorry for you"
One of the heroines of the book - Azita Rafat, at the time of meeting with the journalist, she worked in the Afghan parliament (now this is no longer possible - women can no longer participate in the political life of the country).
Azita told the journalist that her younger “son” is actually a girl. “We dress her like a boy,” she explained . - They gossip about my family. When you have no sons, this is a great misfortune and everyone is sorry for you. ”
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She said: her youngest daughter Manush was not always a “Bacha-Posh”. Previously, the family lived in the village, and there he and her husband equally raised all four girls born to them. But then Azita decided to start a political career in Kabul, and it became clear that the absence of sons was a serious problem.
When colleagues and acquaintances heard that Azita had four daughters, they expressed sympathy and did not believe that she would build a career, "if she was not even able to give her husband's son."
Many women believe: “boy” in the house can help them give birth to a real son
Then the parents asked the youngest daughter Manush: “Do you want to look like a boy, dress like a boy and deal with all sorts of interesting things, as boys do, for example, ride a bicycle, play football and cricket? Do you want to be like your father? " She agreed, and since then they began to call Mezhran.
Azita said that after that, those around them began to treat her and her family better. According to her, "having a fake son in Afghanistan was better than not to have any."
Jenny Nordberg says in his book: the tradition of Bacha-Posh is surrounded by superstitions. Many women believe: a “boy” in the house can help them give birth to a real son.
The journalist described the meeting with such a family. In it, a woman gave birth to six girls in a row, and then neighbors and friends advised her to raise her daughter as a boy - they believed that the presence of such a child in the house would help her mother in the future to conceive her son.
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The woman did so. Until three years old, the girl was a “bache-senior”, and then died. After that, the mother became pregnant again and this time really gave birth to her son. She said that she was glad that her daughter had died.
What happens when the Bacha-Posh is growing up?
Typically, such girls are brought up as boys under 10-12 years old, and then return to the traditional female role: they are deprived of rights and privileges and begin to prepare for marriage and motherhood.
The book “The Underground Girls of Kabul” provides the following story: “One Afghan diplomat said that he himself witnessed a similar case, recalling one of his friends on the courtyard football team during the reign of Taliban, in the 1990s. Once this friend simply disappeared, and several teammates went in search of a kid to his house. His father went on the threshold and said that, alas, their friend would no longer return. He became a girl again. 12-year-old boys crowing on the street near the house were speechless. ”
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Many women who had the opportunity to go through this said: it was not difficult for them to get used to the fact that they again turn to a female gender, but a return to strict restrictions and cruel attitude was perceived painfully.
Some, having been a “Bacha-Posh”, never return to the female role. One of these stories is also told in the Nordberg book : the British humanitarian worker came to the province controlled by the Taliban. There, men and women lived in different parts of the house, as is customary in Islamic culture - but suddenly it turned out that in one of the houses in the female half there is a person whom everyone calls "uncle."
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It turned out that it was a woman in a men's suit and turban. As a child, she turned out to be the seventh daughter in a family where there were no sons. Mullah regretted her parents and declared the baby a boy. When she grew up, she was not married - she remained in a male role.
The “uncle” in the village was treated with great respect - and, according to the humanitarian worker, she clearly enjoyed her position, more privileged than other women.
Life after "Bach-Posh"
It is difficult to say how much “Bacha-Posh” in Afghanistan is, such statistics do not exist. But, according to experts, such girls are in every district of each city. In the 2019 study, women from every 20th family in Kabul said that among their relatives, someone was “Bachi-Posh”.
Many women who were “Bacha-Posh” in childhood believe that there is nothing strange or harmful in this tradition. Some even say that this helped them become more confident - after all, during the period of growing up, they were respected, and the men perceived them as equals.
For example, the heroine of the book Nordberg Azita Rafat, whose daughter became “Bacha-Posh”, said that in childhood she herself spent several years as a boy. Father needed an assistant in his store, and her brother was still too small.
“We know how to be men. But they do not know anything about us "
Rafat believes that this experience helped her become more energetic and confident, because for almost five years she could talk to men freely. “We know how to be men. But they do not know anything about us, ”she said .
However, much depends on the status of the family where the Bacha-Posh is growing. In families with an average income, it is prestigious to be a “boy”, this situation gives more freedom. But in poor families, such children often have to do hard work - and girls are dressed in boys in the first place so that there are more workers.
And, although in Afghanistan many girls are more like to become “Bacha-Posh” and temporarily free themselves from hard restrictions, human rights activists note that tradition only enhances gender inequality. If a woman needs to pretend to be a man so that she is respected and given freedom, then this does not solve problems with women's rights.
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Meanwhile, these problems are only aggravated. Every third Afghan girl gets married when she is not yet 18 years old. Of the girls under the age of 15, only 19% can read and write. In 2018, 3.7 million children did not go to school in Afghanistan, 60% of which were girls. With the coming to the power of the Taliban, the situation worsened dramatically: 80% of girls do not have access to education, and a woman who was suspected of being visited at home without an accompanying man or talked with an outsider, can be publicly chopped.
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Author: Marina Kiryunina Editor: Julia Dudkin Photo: Shanghaieye 魔都眼 / YouTube