Translated material
SYNOPSIS. An endless romance in parts. Herostratus. A completely different life
I.
Ivan Chunyevich Memetyev decided to celebrate the New Year at home. In a solid apartment of 62 sq. m. on Vorobyovy Gory. It was possible, of course, to celebrate at the Aquamarine restaurant in the Luzhnikov pool. 1,500 rub. for a night without drinking.
But.
1. Booze, look, it’s the new 1,500. If you drink normally, and just watch others get drunk.
2. No one will give you a separate table for one person. This means that you have to sit with another seven to ten strangers, among whom there may be very unpleasant and indelicate people. And if more than a third of them come out, the holiday is ruined. Ivan is too gentle to allow himself to waste the New Year.
You can, of course, invite your neighbor, Marfa Vasilievna, with you. 70+ years old. But she definitely doesn’t have the funds. Well, he will add a thousand, no more. In this situation, expenses will increase by a good amount. A good name for a positive hero of some upturned virgin soil - (kind) grandfather Shtukar! In addition: Martha always goes to bed on New Year’s Eve exactly at 00:05, immediately after the royal address. She says: I don’t want to think alone, even at night, how many years are already behind me. It’s better to talk about old age to yourself - in broad daylight.
How much will New Year's Eve cost at home, for yourself? If you look at it after the Tsar, no, not the blue light, which has long been disgusting, but the porn film “The History of the Eye” by Georges Bataille. There is a French writer in whose honor the city of Bataysk in the Rostov region is named. The wreckage of a drone crashed there just the day before. Oh, what a powerful philosophy of particularism! The drone disintegrates in the air because it is purely hostile to the environment. And further - the fragments move in space on their own until they unite again in a deadly attempt to collapse in one single, predetermined place! Isn’t it so that everything that was formed during the disintegration of the first man Purusha is then united again, in a substance known to us as “the mother of damp earth.” With a capital “Z” or nothing? Ivan never taught philosophy, but was latently drawn to it.
No, well, a lie. We take the lower limit, no more is needed. 3,635. Not that much. But still, it’s less than you can spend right away. I can afford it - 2,500. Where can I get the shortage? Make money. But how? In principle, there is an answer. All that remains is to achieve it.
Three days ago, the vampire Valera from Velikiye Luki called and congratulated me in advance. It’s not supposed to be that way, but vampires have their own circulatory hierarchy (of goals and values). And he said then: right now we’re raising money - if not with a shovel, then with a tablespoon from grandma’s set. We work as Santa Clauses. For children. At night. So as not to be afraid of that daylight in which they only talk about old age. One and a half to two thousand for a party. And even more if the smarmy parents generously tip.
This is the way out for Chunyich. Where can I get hired? It seems - or he imagined - that there had been an advertisement in Skopidom the day before. Yes, he found it. Here. 1,500 for an hour and a half of work. Isn’t it a little like in Velikiye Luki, but we’re talking about the center of Moscow! No. Because no props are needed at all. Just come yourself. A fur coat, a hat, a beard, a staff - everything will be given out on the spot. The only thing that matters is age - no younger than 42. And Ivan will already be 60 in the New Year! Let’s note if there is anywhere else where you can compete for decent money.
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