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Father Pavel Adeelheim - about reconciliation, repentance and forgiveness

Father Pavel Adeelheim - about reconciliation, repentance and forgiveness

1. The need for reconciliation

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| | Father Pavel Adeelheim on the island of Valaam. Photo: Anna Shishova |

We will love each other
Yes, unanimity
We confess the holy Trinity,
Combined and inseparable.

Reconciliation is the first condition for love. Smokes are between loving each other husband and wife, parents and children. If they lead to a gap, if both have a empty heart, no matter who is to blame. The causes of disagreements are rarely fundamental. More often we quarrel for trifles. And then self -justification enters into “its rights”, crushing love.

“May the sun not come in anger” [ 1 ]. It is necessary to rush to reconciliation until the sun has gone. If it saw your quarrel, let him see reconciliation. If the conflict does not end in reconciliation, we, like tears, lose each other. Prayers before the sacrament call: “Though, human, the body of the lord, the first, focused on the saddened” [ 2 ].

1. Psychology of the conflict

The stumbling block is the pride, convinced of the "obvious rightness." Another is always more to blame, because he is “different”. In sacrifice to the Molokha of self -justification, we bring friendship and love. Quarrels are rooted in the ancient conflict of man with God.

Having sinned, Adam and Eve heard the voice of God, walking in paradise. And Adam and his wife disappeared from God between the trees of Paradise. And the Lord called:

• Adam, where are you?

He replied:

• I heard your voice in paradise and disappeared because I am a nag.

And God asked:

• Who told you that you are nagging? Have you eaten from the tree from which I forbade you?

Adam could say: “Forgive me; I broke the commandment and ate a forbidden fruit. ” Adam answers differently:

• The wife you gave me, she gave me, and I ate.

Recognizing the act, Adam refuses responsibility, accusing his wife and God. God asked his wife:

• Why did you do that?

• The snake seduced me, and I ate. [ 3 ]

Recognizing his act, Eve accuses the snake. In both answers, a characteristic sign of sin is learned: recognition of the fact and denial of your guilt.

Family conflict arises from self -justification. One side accuses: "You have done this and that." The other side, without denying the indicated actions, does not plead guilty and responds to the oncoming accusation: "And you did this and that and that." The conflict comes to a dead end. There is no way out.

We need to admit your guilt. The charge must be accepted and evaluated.

The guilt eliminates the conflict.

“Do not blame my heart in the word of cunning, unnecessary guilt about Greshekh” [ 4 ]

This means: do not allow me to deny my guilt. Reconciliation begins with guilt. Someone must take the first step. The other side also pleads guilty and asks for forgiveness. With reconciliation, we return to everyone we have lost. Christ urges us to extinguish the conflict with reconciliation: “Make up with your rival rather” [ 5 ].

For reconciliation, two acts are needed: ask for forgiveness and forgive.

1. A feat of repentance

Repentance is a protective reaction of a healthy soul and sober conscience. Sorry about the resentment caused protects against hatred, mastering the heart. If the offender does not admit his guilt, his conscience is looking for an excuse for non -unity and gives rise to a “complex of guilt”. A sly conscience justifies itself, projecting guilt on the offended. Unbearable changes in offense and easily finds the reasons for self -justification.

Recognizing himself offended, the offender allows himself anger, hostility, hatred of the offended. The offender blames him for provocations, ill -wishes, secret intent. The guilt complex builds a wall of alienation. This is the psychology of guilt. Only repentance can destroy this wall from the offender. There is a simple means to extinguish the conflict. A reasonable mother teaches her child from the first steps of life: plead guilty and ask for forgiveness. Alas, this task is difficult to fulfill.

Why is it difficult to say the magical word "sorry"? To admit guilt, say “forgive me” - you have to come to terms. Humility requires courage. This is a feat for strong in spirit. The weak will not cross through himself, through his pride and will not ask for forgiveness. There is not enough courage to win over yourself.

1. A feat of forgiveness

Resentment also has its own psychology. If you are offended, annoyance burns the heart and longs for revenge. Resulting is one of the sinful passions.

Resentment can be reveled like wine, to intoxication. Surrounding injustice, sometimes far -fetched, offended, emits his annoyance, looking for satisfaction, inventing plans for revenge. Unconducted resentment hardens and corrodes the soul like rust. There is a “complex of resentment” and builds a second wall of alienation. Between the offender and the offended, two mediastinations arise, two obstacles to reconciliation. On the one hand, the wall is built by an unexplored fault. On the other hand, a trenched resentment builds a wall.

For forgiveness, you need to have a great soul that can accommodate and bear other people's guilt. “Christ is our world, which made one of both and destroyed the barrier standing in the middle, abolishing the enemy with his flesh ... reconciling both with God through the cross, killing enmity on Him” [ 6 ].

Reconciliation is a feat. It is called generosity. Forgive - means to take risk and trust again. It is easy to forgive those little things that did not affect our pride, did not hurt us deeply. We often hear the apologies for educated people who accidentally pushed us or caused another insignificant anxiety.

But to forget what was painfully worried and tormented, what was experienced, like an open wound, that our inner world was outraged, why we suffered in indignation, then in despair we broke our hands, then cried for a long time and inconsolably, which caused shame on our cheeks for their humiliation, to forget all this, to delete the way, the path of the gospel. An eternal example of forgiveness in front of us is Christ. He accepted someone else's guilt and put it onto the cross. The nails pierced his arms and legs. From other crosses there were cries of despair or curses. A prayer was heard from his cross: “Father, let them go, for they do not know what they are doing” [ 7 ].

The enmity is killed on the cross. Since then, there is no guilt that cannot be forgiven to the repentant. The sacrament of forgiveness is to reconcile with the offender, not to wish him evil. In the sacrament of forgiveness, a miracle takes place. The enemy is transformed into a friend to whom we wish and do good. Through forgiveness, a Christian is likened to Christ: “We will be like Him” [ 8 ].

1. Freedom of reconciliation

You can overcome the separation only by common efforts. Reconciliation destroys two obstacles. Everyone should destroy the wall on their part.

The offender must realize the guilt and say: "Sorry!" One wall will be destroyed. The offended must overcome his insult and forgive so that the other wall is destroyed. The Lord calls for “forgive His sin from his brother's heart to his brother” [ 9 ].

And if the offender does not ask for forgiveness? Is it possible to forgive him?

Demanding forgiveness from the bottom of the heart, the Lord indicates a condition without which forgiveness will not take place: “If he plays, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, he will turn seven times a day, and say: “I repent,” forgive him ”[ 10 ].

The word "repent" determines the moral position. It expresses consent that cannot be forced. The reconciliation is based on freedom. If a person does not repent, neither God nor a person can give him forgiveness. If the sinner refuses repentance, God does not connect his freedom for forgiveness. The person remains free and unforgettable. Who does not ask for forgiveness will not be able to evaluate it and accept it. All the prophets, John the Forerunner, Jesus Christ persistently call for repentance: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has approached” [ 11 ].

They call, but do not force. A person makes a choice himself. Refusal of repentance leads to a break in the relationship: “If your brother sins against you, go and convict him between you and him alone; If he listens to you, then you acquired your brother. If he doesn’t listen, take another or two with you, so that every word confirms the mouth of two or three witnesses. If he does not listen to them, tell the church; And if he does not listen to the churches, then you will be like a pagan and an weterus ”[ 12 ].

The refusal to forgive breaks the relationship - with the repentant and with God.

The refused to forgive the commandment of Christ and the alien to the Church.

Who does not repent is not a Christian.

Who does not forgive is not a Christian.

1. Enslavement in return for reconciliation

The New Testament and church tradition indicate one condition for reconciliation: “I will say“ I repent ” - forgive him” [ 13 ]. The church does not require other conditions or forms for forgiveness. When reconciliation is promised under the condition of humiliation: they demand to wallow in the legs, crawl on the stomach and overlap themselves publicly - this is blackmail. Reconciliation cannot be used to humiliate and enslave the individual. In the name of reconciliation, it is a sin to demand a renunciation of faith, from his beliefs, from human dignity: “Do not make slaves of people” [ 14 ].

Christian reconciliation can only have one goal: a mutual penalty of love. Crying about sin expresses spiritual need. If he expresses fear or self -interest, he turns into a hypocrisy. This is not Christian repentance, but the Manichaean sacrifice of human dignity. Forgiveness is not sold, but granted. Otherwise, it loses moral value. This will not be forgiveness, but compensation for moral damage, that is, not a moral, but a legal act. The true immensity of guilt before God is replaced by false immense guilt before man. Wine has a limit. The gospel does not allow to refuse the asking person.

“Flapping, like God's chosen ones, saints and beloved, in mercy, goodness, humble wisdom, meekness, long -suffering, condescending to each other and forgiving mutually if someone has a complaint: as Christ forgave you, so you” [ 15 ].

1. The problem of the enemy love your enemies.

Can a Christian have enemies? Maybe if Christ the Savior commanded: "Love your enemies." How to understand the word "enemy"? According to V. Dahl, the “ill -wisher” is a person who wishes me evil tries to cause trouble and gloating when misfortune happens to me. A Christian can have enemies, but he himself cannot be an enemy to anyone. The attitude towards another, a friend or the enemy that God commanded is called love: “Love your enemies, bless the cursing you, have a benevolent those who hate you and pray for those who offend you and persuading you” [ 16 ].

Who loves and forgives, cannot be an enemy. The concept of “enemy” in the words of Christ the Savior expresses a one -sided, not mutual attitude. A Christian can have enemies, but he himself cannot be an enemy. Tsar Solomon commands the attitude to the enemy: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him with bread; And if he craves, drink water ”[ 17 ].

What is the meaning of goodwill to the enemy? Wanting a man of evil, we will confront God, who “sent his son, may the world be saved” [ 18 ].

A Christian must contribute to God in the salvation of every person. We must wish for a person to become better, not worse. The lives of the saints Nikifor and Saprikia, Titus and Evagrius express a church tradition: the grace of God leaves those whose heart hid revenge and does not know how to forgive.

1. Choice

Life and death I suggested to you, blessing and curse. Acceles life [ 19 ].

On the eve of Great Lent, the church established the "forgiven day." Christians ask each other for forgiveness that God accepts their abstinence and sobering into a favorable sacrifice. Without reconciliation, there cannot be forgiveness of sins and salvation. This is evidenced by church tradition.

In the city of Antioch, Nicephorus and Presbyter Sapriki lived. The temptation sowed enmity between them. Having come to his senses, Nicephorus repented and asked for forgiveness from Sapriki. But Sapriki was inexorable. The Roman Emperor Valerian began persecution against Christians.

In 257, Presbyter Sapriki appeared before the trial. He confessed faith in Christ, underwent torture and was sentenced to truncate with a sword. When Saprikia led to execution, Nicephorus with tears implored forgiveness: “The holy martyr Sapriki, you are preparing to appear before the Lord and accept the crown of eternal life from him! Forgive me and give me the last kiss of the world. ”

Sapriki was hardened with his heart and did not want to forgive him. The grace that strengthened him in torture retreated. Having reached the end of the feat, he suddenly frightened his death and made a sacrifice to the idol. Nicephorus was fulfilled by boldness, confessed Christ, was beheaded and perceived the martyrdom of Saprikia. A similar story is conveyed by the Kiev-Pechersky Paterik in the life of the Monk Titus and Evagria. [ 20 ]

9. Sluds of reconciliation

Both narratives do not inform the reason for the conflict. These are parts that are insignificant for reconciliation. The spiritual task is not to “find out the relationship” and “restore justice”, but to reconcile. Repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation are realized in church tradition as life in God. In a fierce and embittered heart, the Holy Spirit does not abide.

Reconciliation requires mutual forgiveness. The offender asks for forgiveness for the offense caused. The offended must forgive the insult and forget. You can resolve the conflict according to the principle of justice: who is to blame?

Every conflict has one of the reasons: “I offended him”, “he offended me.” Both sides are more likely to be to blame. The first step does not take the one who is more to blame, but who loves more. The words “I'm sorry, I repent” and the words “God will forgive you, as I forgive” possess the power healing the soul. They return conscience sober self -esteem, and their hearts are comforted and sympathy.

The guilty of guilt sides conscience. Forgiveness of guilt inspires the soul. Two people who overcome mutual hostility and extended their hands towards each other gain a moral victory. Restoring communication, they solve not only their private problem. Reconciliation not only restores relations. Reconciliation expresses a moral position: "Christ is in the middle of us."

Priest Pavel Adeelheim, on March 22, 2005 is published for the first time.

1. Matt. 5, 23-24.

2. Rule before the sacrament.

3. Life. 3, 8-13.

4. Ps. 140, 4.

5. Matt. 5, 25.

6. EF. 2.14-16.

7. OK. 23, 34.

8. 1 in. 3, 2.

9. Matt. 18, 35.

10. OK. 17, 4.

11. Matt. 4, 17.

12. Matt. 18, 15-17.

13. OK. 17, 4.

14. 1 Cor. 7, 23.

15. Stake. 3, 12-13.

16. Matt. 5, 44.

17. Ave. 25, 21.

18. In. 3, 17.

19. Tue. 30, 19.

20. The lives of saints. 09.02 and 27.02 Art. Art.