Translated material
Dina cannot help anymore
Of his twenty -two, Dean Kabulov has been engaged in volunteer help by homeless for five years. It all started with the fact that she carried home food to those who spend the night on a cardboard, on a mattress at the garbage dump for a “mu-mu” and in a secluded place in the park. But over time, Dina plunged into the problems of the homeless and deeper, participating in someone’s fate for weeks and months. In the next episode of the Samizdat documentary about life on Dina Street, he tells how it finally broke.
A month after my trip to Gala, we were in touch with her all the time. She said that Lesha laid a new floor on the ground floor, and in the garden she even managed to grow something. On Sundays, she is given a day off, and she goes to church in the city, puts candles for the health of her daughter and son, and Vladimir Yuryevich even promised to pay her inserting teeth. It seemed that you could calm down a little and everything was getting better.
The guys and I continued to come with food, but the situation with the Cossacks scared more. At other stations, homeless people said that they saw how several people in green uniforms put people in cars at night, and then none of them returned. My first reaction was paralyzing fear, but it was urgent to do something. Just what? It is not clear where to declare - for this you need to at least know the surname, name, patronymic and date of birth of the missing person. Homeless people know each other by names, and often even just nicknames: names, and even more so no one remembers the dates of birth. To attract the public, some evidence is needed. So far, there were no ideas, how globally it was to change this, my two friends and my friends who went to the route all the time with me decided to attach at least all of ours to the maximum.
Katya sent Vova to the recently opened good shelter for men for three months, Raul and Alexander I persuaded to go to a social house. Two more managed to send home.
Therefore, when Galya suddenly called and said that she could no longer live in Maslovka, my first question was not “why”, but “What are your options?”
I immediately regretted that she said it out loud. If Galya calls and says that everything, from her, means something very serious happened.
- And what happened? Tell us, please. Sorry that I didn’t ask right away, we just have some kind of madhouse here.
- I kicked out Lyos.
- Damn, Galya, I'm very sorry. What did he do?
- Yes, the Male of the coast was confused, I mean it, I let it into my house, cook, and washed it. Only I hoped that for the first time in his life a man was a normal man, how he began to drink and dissolve his hands. As I remembered my husband, as a young was, with the children small in her arms, there is nowhere to go. I suffered it then, but now I do not intend. I drove him right away. He is again in a common room with Tajiks now, as before.
- Galya, I sympathize with you very much. You are well done that kicked him out. But I still don't really understand: why leave?
“I can’t, Dean, there is only one.” I feel very bad. I come from work - no one at home. We sing myself, I’ll feed the cats, I will watch the TV - and sleep. And so every day. Lonely to me.
Her words are terribly angry with me. “Lonely to her! Well, fine. Galya, then here we had a rumor that people do not understand where people are leaving at night, and you mean lonely. It is necessary to rejoice that they are alive, healthy, warm and fed. Feed the cats before going to bed, it means, but still lonely. ”
I suppress these thoughts in myself. They will not lead to anything. I myself always tell the new volunteers that the homeless have the same rights as ordinary people. Galya has the right to want to live better, she also experiences a feeling of loneliness, I should not be angry with her because of this.
Once, two brand new ones, a guy and a girl, came to the distribution. They came together, the guy helped the girl take off his jacket, from which I concluded that they were a couple. On the way to the station, I began to ask what they do, where they study.
“I'm in MAI, on the engineer,” the guy said.
- Wow, you're a techie, but I'm studying at the RSU.
- Guys, are you not familiar?
- No, we met in Tinder and agreed to go on an unusual date. Today we met for the first time.
- In the sense - on an unusual date?
-Well, I decided that going to a cafe or cinema is corny, I need to come up with something more interesting. I had never been engaged in volunteering before, but I thought that girls usually like this.
- Ah, clear. Well then, listen to my interesting briefing on how to behave on the distribution.
Wonderful. They decided to spend a romantic date at the station, feeding hungry and unfortunate. How non -banal. I am furious: it seems that we have a zoo or a show of freaks in a circus here. I don’t understand how this could have occurred to a person in their right mind.
All the distribution of this sweet couple was passionate only to themselves, they did not see anyone except each other, and I wanted to pat in front of their faces and yell "Ale, let's be a sandwich here faster, the person did not eat all day, but now he waits until you are finished." But I restrained myself and tried as calmly as possible to attract their attention to the homeless.
- Guys, get acquainted, this is Alexander.
A grimace arose on the guy’s face, something between contempt and disgust.
When the distribution ended and the three of us entered the subway, I, as always with the new ones, began to question.
- Well, what are the impressions?
“You know, somehow I didn’t go very much.” Some of them, well, I don’t know, ungrateful, or something.
- In the sense - ungrateful?
-Well, I came, I spent my time, but I could do something more pleasant for myself.
- What reaction did you want? In general, all people thanked, and you, by the way, too. You just didn’t hear, probably, I say as calm as possible. Most of all I would like to tell him now everything I think about him.
“Well, I don’t know, I somehow imagined it differently.”
-You know, it happens to us very differently. I don’t understand what you were waiting for, but everyone was very grateful to you and said it. Come yet.
Sometimes it seems to me that I overcome all my “wrong” emotions. Homeless people have the right to feel lonely, the guys have the right to want to be grateful for the time being spent. But sometimes patience still ends. “There is no need to judge anyone, no need to judge anyone, no need to judge anyone,” - as I repeat the mantra and breathe deeply.
-Galya, maybe not you here, but on the contrary, I will send someone from here? Well, so that you are not so sad.
- Listen, but a good idea. Persuad the faith: she probably never found a job.
- I didn’t find it, yes. Well, that's fine, I will dial you then, if we agree with her and she wants to.
Vera is the woman that I tried to arrange with a nurse. The unsuitable, always losing his things, deceived by all. She looks like a child whom her parents left with foods at the cash desk in a supermarket, and they themselves went for the remaining ones. In her eyes almost always this fear, as if the products had already begun to punch at the checkout, they are becoming smaller, and the parents have not yet come.
- Vera, we are trying to attach everyone here at least for a while, until the Cossacks cease to host, by the end of autumn approximately. I have an offer to you: do not want to go to the farm to Gala? There the house is very good, but, however, you need to work a lot. Honestly, I didn’t like it there, I would have taken Galya from there, but she has no documents and so far there are no other options for her either.
- Yes, I can go.
- What can you understand, but you want? You think more. I don’t have much time now, unfortunately, you can find a better option, although you could: you have a passport. Therefore, maybe you are still going, at least for a while, huh? What do you say? And how it settles here - come back and look for a good paid job for you.
- Okay, come on so.
Vera agrees to any proposal, and she has already been deceived and used many times. Of course, if it is honest to speak, I am doing exactly the same right now. Well, why am I sending her to a place, where a lot of work is and almost never pay? With a passport, one could find the option much better. But what should I do with Galya then? She alone will definitely not stretch there for a long time. And then I will have two more people who need to urgently attach somewhere. Okay, in the end, this is certainly better than both of their Cossacks for the 101st kilometer.
In the same week, I put the faith on the bus to Lipetsk, gave food and money for the road.
- Vera, try to stay there before the end of autumn, I beg you very much. And then come, I promise you to help find a job if you want.
- Fine.
Raul
Raul is one of the few homeless people who never drinks. He is 59 years old, born and raised in Azerbaijan. According to his stories, he studied at his homeland, earned pretty well, designed houses for the local elite. And then the 90s came, and he decided to try his luck in business. He sold the apartment, invested all the money, but then, of course, he burned out. There are no parents, there are no children, there were only two sisters in Novosibirsk.
After the business, he worked at construction sites, a car wash, and five years ago he had a stroke - and health no longer allowed to earn physical labor. Then Raul decided to return to Azerbaijan to take a diploma from the university and get a specialty here. But the case dragged on, he settled at the station for several months, still could not save money for a ticket. He lived on the street, worked as a porter, and left a bag with things in inexperience one night - and everything was stolen: a passport, money accumulated, things. He could not admit sisters - eastern pride did not allow, and time passed.
Raul is quite tall, always well and purely dressed. He is limping on his left leg - he says that after the stroke she was almost completely taken away, but now it is much better. It makes money that he travels to various Moscow temples and interferes with the money from the priests. He was still lucky periodically: he found a clock or lost phones and handed over. I think his secret was that he never drank. Raul was quite educated, versed in politics, loved to discuss the latest news. He always kept aside, for which he was not really loved by the rest of the homeless.
Russian “Black Mirror”: theft of an apartment on the Internet Ksenia Zhebrovskaya , Semyon Sheshenin , Arina Kokoreva Samizdat tells the story of the first contactless theft of an apartment on the Internet, when no one touched the castles or documents
But in his story it seemed like some pieces did not lack. Once I decided to find him a small architectural order through friends, but Raul said that he could not work at the computer at all, did not master new programs. And now no one is drawing with his hands - the times are not the same. Then I invited him to make several sketches for students of creative universities for views, but he also refused it. I brought him paper, pencils, but Raul said that he saw poorly. When I found glasses, it turned out that, living on the street, it is difficult for him to do such a thin job.
- Well, you see, well, where I’ll go with this paper - I’ll spend the night at the station, I’m getting through, I don’t even have a table.
- You can, for example, go to the library free.
- No, Dean, this is not that. So I will stand on my feet, take the room at least - and then I will work in my specialty.
It turned out some kind of vicious circle. It cannot work physically - health does not allow, but yet there are no suitable conditions, then in any way. I think he lied about business in the 90s, and about the architect. Where then are all his friends, where are former colleagues - is it really impossible to turn to anyone for help?
It was very interesting for me to know his real story-maybe someday he will tell her when he would be more trusted. In the meantime, I suggested that he and Alexander go to the social house in Yegoryevsk - there were just two free places for men. More than two - excellent. There is very little left.
CREATURE
“Dean, we are all, we will definitely leave here.” There are no strengths.
- What happened again?
-Yes, something is impossible already. We work around the clock, there is no money. That's it, we finally decided that we would come. And at the station we’ll make work a bit, we will rest - and you will find us a new place.
- Gal, give faith for a minute, please.
- Hello, Vera, can you move away, preferably on the street? Listen, tell me what is happening there. I spoke with Galya now, I am not even very worried that you decided to leave - this, on the contrary, is good. It confuses me that she speaks for you. You yourself think what do you want, what do you want?
- Nuuu ...
- Ver, you don't be afraid. Tell me what you think. If you are afraid that Galya will hear, go away. I want to understand what you want. I do not want to work out, as at that time with the gardens, when you have promised one, but not completed. You just always agree to everything that is convenient for others, and you think about what you want and tell me.
- Dean, I want to be with Galya.
- So, of course. Well, let's say so. But you understand that she does not have documents and they will not appear soon: they are very difficult to do. And you have a passport, it is much easier to find work with him, I remember you ....
Vera, are you here? Hear?
- This means that I have no documents, so you don’t put me in anything, you are like that?! Do you think, since I have no pieces of paper, it means that I'm not a person at all?! I hate you, creature !!!
They threw the phone. I am sitting on a bench, and my breath caught my breath.
Before my eyes, everything is blurring, and your hands shake. What's happening? What was it? I'm calling again.
- Hello?
- Bitch, creature, do not call here anymore. I trusted you, I told you everything how I loved you. And you, then, like this to me. You thought Vera will go away to talk-and you will hide something from me? Yes, of course. Here she was, on a speakerphone, I heard everything.
Galya yells into my phone, I hear her voice tearing and she sobs. The “Twaaaaaaar” sobs and screams to me-against the background of some kind of noise, as if objects were falling.
“Dean, this is me, Vera,” she speaks a quiet and very calm, loving voice. - Do not call here, please, we ourselves will figure it out.
"Vera, don't talk to this bitch, give me a phone here quickly!"
- Dina, forget this number forever. If you don’t think for a person, just forget me - that's all. Don't even think of calling me.
Galya yells, but I am silent. I look right in front of me, my tears roll, but I can’t even answer anything. I don’t remember if I said at least one word to them.
I have cold sweat, my hands shake and my whole face in tears. I hold the phone by the ear, although there have long been beeps. I don't understand what is happening, what was it? I get up from the bench to go to the subway, but my legs are cotton. What happened?
The road that leave the house of Dina Kabulova , Semyon Sheshenin , Anastasia Krenyuk how those who do not let their own children, resentment and shame in the continuation of the documentary of the Samizdat about the life of Moscow homeless people do not let on the threshold
I'll try to call again. The phone is not available. I sit down and scroll the conversation in my head - you need to understand what I did wrong. I told Vera that it is easier for her to find a job with a passport than Gala. But this is true. Together with her, we went to receive all certificates, went to “Civil assistance”, she understands what exactly I mean. I didn’t want anything bad, I just wanted Vera to do as it is better. And I generally love Galya as a native. I scroll through our conversation again and again.
Is it all, really I really did something terrible? I don't understand. I grab the phone again. Hands do not obey, shake too much, and I get past the right buttons. I try to remember our conversation in detail, but everything is in some fog. So, at first I asked her to go out, then asked what she wanted. And then I do not remember. Only Galin’s scream sounds in my head with a tear: “Tva-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-y !!!”
I don’t understand: I really didn’t want anything bad, I really try to make everyone good. How did I deserve this? I went to Gala, lived with her, called up with her as with her relative. Why, why did this happen? What did I do wrong?
I endlessly repeat the same words and phrases in the kitchen of my friends. I didn’t want anything bad, I love them very much - what did I deserve it? I don’t remember how I arrived here, but it was the right decision. Andrei has been helping homeless for ten years, although he is not much older than me. I am sitting opposite him, but it seems that I speak more through. It is like nonsense. I have a chant in my head: "Tva-a-a-a-a-a-a-r-r!"
Hands are still shaking, and I do not understand how to live on. That is, it was all not true? Was everything in vain? Why did I do this - to amuse my pride? I guess I just wanted to give my life some sense? Or not? Maybe I also wanted me to be grateful? Praised me? All the stories that I listened with such attention and interest, maybe this is all not true? I remember, she told her dad a story about Azat, who buried her son in a small coffin. It struck me, and something inside turned over. And dad said that this was a lie, because the Chechens in the coffins usually do not bury.
That is, for several years every week I spent time on the fact that I have absolutely no sense? And what was my real motivation, I wonder? I never needed words of gratitude, it was not necessary to be praised - I walked simply because I could not help but walk.
But now everything. I will never help any person who will ask me about something again. This echo of Galin’s scream “Creature” for several weeks has settled tightly in my head.
I decided not to go for distribution anymore. Let them somehow cope. They lived without me - it means that they will live now. Вот только Раул всё время названивал, но мне не хотелось говорить. Он даже честно не мог рассказать о себе — что сейчас-то ему понадобилось?
Он звонил каждый день почти неделю подряд, а когда наконец догадался, что я не отвечу, написал СМС:
«Меня положили в больницу, подозрение на туберкулёз».
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