Do not follow me: what is the stalking

To become a victim of Stalking - obsessive persecution in real life or in social networks, you do not need to try. It can be your ex -boyfriend, or a strange type that you saw once in a party once in a party 10 years ago, or a completely stranger. It may seem to the stalker that he is in love with you, or maybe he is just interested to follow you. For example, an unknown person who stole passwords from all accounts of journalist Vika Arakelyan admitted that her life for him is like a series. At the request of Samizdat, Vika tried to understand who it was, and simultaneously figured out the structure of Stalking in Russia and the world.

“Vika, are you here? I want to explain what is with your aylaud. Write me how you read it. "

I received this message on the morning of December 16, 2019 on VKontakte from myself. The next half hour I talked with an unknown interlocutor, who for some reason had access to my account. Replicas disappeared every minute: he removed both mine and his own. But it was still impossible to distinguish them: next to each there was my avatar.

In the first minute of communication, I managed to scroll in my head all the series of the Black Mirror and morally prepare for the worst. Surely I was about to voice the six-digit amount that I will have to give for the safety of my intimate photographs. Otherwise, they will certainly be sent to all my friends, employers and first teacher. Damn, I received a notification of a suspicious entrance to PayPal. Maybe the unknown has already brought all my money to his account? Or collected a selection of messages in which I confused and -t, and sent the Russian media editors, with whom I collaborated or only about to.

It quickly became clear that a person on the other side of the screen (let's call him a stalker) pursues other goals. Rather, he seemed to have no goals at all. In the third minute of communication, he admitted that he has been reading my correspondence with her husband and friends for a long time and generally monitors my life as a series. This was scared and fascinated: also to me, the evening "nonflick". Then the stalker wrote that my husband and I are very cool, close to him in spirit and generally “the best couple of all that I have ever seen”, because “light and not frozen” and do not “take out the brain to each other”. In the next ten minutes, we discussed my friends - surprisingly, but he remembered everyone by names.

I did not understand how I felt. I never considered myself a man who loves secrets and is afraid of publicity, so the idea that some stranger suddenly recognized everything about me did not seem catastrophic: well, I recognized and found out. On the other hand, she fell on me too suddenly. It turns out that the last few weeks (or longer?) Someone used my account at the same time as me. A strange sensation-as if all this time someone was constantly standing behind me and my life belonged not only to me.

Trying to comprehend what happened, I began to google everything about the stalking. It seems my case is atypical. People have been living with a sense of constant extraneous presence for years: they follow someone only at a distance, hacking your accounts over and over again, others are haunting in real life, forcing to quit work and change their place of residence.

It turned out that in Russia there is no official statistics on stalking. The largest research was conducted in the United States: according to 2012, more than 6.5 million Americans were presented annually, so there the portrait of a stalker is described thoroughly. In the vast majority of cases, the pursuer is a man ( most of all - a former guy or husband of the victim). Most likely, he revealed a mental illness - it is quite possible with psychotic symptoms like nonsense or hallucinations. In a third of cases, he suffers from chemical dependence - for example, from methamphetamine and alcohol. He is about 36 years old, he is heterosexual and, most likely, unemployed. The average duration of his Episode of Stalking is about two years. The longer he pursues someone, the less chance that this will end soon, and the higher the risk that he will use violence. And the risk is already great: 76 % of the Americans killed by the current or former partners were subjected to stalking on their part.

I wonder how long the stalker gained access to my accounts? And who could have needed this at all?

Be happy, Bubenstsova

In April 2015, Kristina Bubenstsova came a video from a person who introduced himself to Nikita. In the frame - the window of her house, on the background, the male voice tells how, according to a photograph of a cat on a windowsill from Christinine Instagram, he calculated her apartment. Christina realized that the video was shot a couple of months ago: it was snowing on him.

Christina is from Novokuznetsk, but left to study and work in Novosibirsk. There, in search of friends of interests, she met a party of anarchists. Together with new acquaintances, Christina created in VKontakte public for Novosibirsk, sharing the left glances, which was called "Krasin" - in honor of the revolutionary Leonid Krasin. Two days after that, Nikita first wrote to the girl: "Why did you choose such a name?" In response to the question "Who are you?" He sent a video with the window and voice behind the scenes.

“The first reaction is fear for his safety,” recalls Christina. - Suddenly he will go after me into the dark entrance? " Friends advised her to immediately block the stalker and less often appear on social networks, but in the end, curiosity won: Christina asked why Nikita chose her. Correspondence ensued, the girl honestly admitted that the situation scares her. Nikita replied: "Maybe I just fell in love?" After some time, they agreed to meet in the Killfish bar.

Christina recalls that she saw a "timid guy with strong baldnesses and strabismus." He ordered his whiskey and held the glass with shaking hands. Nikita never explained how and when he found her contacts - he only joked that he had "traveled." In general, Christina did not alert the meeting: it turned out that they and Nikita had many common interests, so they continued to correspond and even went to the cinema.

Why do they pursue us Anna Bobrov , Polina Mityaeva victims of stalkers told how they were persecuted for years and could not get help, and the psychologist explained that stalkers were in my head All this time Nikita considered Christina his girlfriend and was sure that they had a serious relationship

Gradually, Christina found out that Nikita watched her not a couple of months, but for several years. “He said that he first saw me on some kind of party. I began to remember when it was, and realized that in 2012. " Despite this fact, Christina agreed once again in a friendly manner to go to the cinema with Nikita. After the late session, the guys decided to take a walk to the stop. Suddenly, Nikita approached Christine from behind and began to breathe heavily in her ear. “I cringed and took a step aside. He took a step after me and continued, ”recalls Christina,“ and so several times. ” That evening, she decided to stop communication, and Nikita did not like it.

It turned out that all this time Nikita considered Christina his girlfriend and was sure that they had a serious relationship. “He threatened me with suicide and published posts in the spirit of“ Why I have been going to this love, it’s better if I died. ” Christina blocked Nikita in all social networks, but the guy constantly created new accounts. Having switched to one of them, Christina discovered reposts from groups like “without women”, “Incels” and “ Men walking in their own way ”. She believes that Nikita did this to scare her with radicalism. “But I'm not afraid of him and I’m not going to be afraid.”

The last time Nikita made himself felt last summer. Christina went to relatives in Novokuznetsk, which could only be found out from her twitter. At three in the morning, he and his friend sat at home and chatted. Suddenly, someone yelled throughout the street "Happiness to you, Bubenstsov!" Christina looked out the window and saw Nikita's retreating figure. He came out of the circle of lamppost and disappeared forever in the dark.

After that story, Christina retired from all social networks except Twitter.

Stalking as a hobby or sadism

"Have you got to the swing club?"

For a couple of minutes I could not figure out what the stalker had in mind, but then he sent the log of our correspondence with my husband, where we discuss what we want at Kinki Pati. Ah, you about it. No, in the end did not go. “Listen before I get out of your profile, one small request. I read that you and your husband have two Home-Video. You can’t imagine, I climbed everything here! Can you please throw off? " Yeah, here it is. Now I will have a choice: either homemade porn, or my nudes will see all friends. I gained determination and wrote: "Sorry, but no." Contrary to expectations, the stalker did not began to blackmail me. “It's a pity,” he wrote, and soon really left my profile.

Researchers conditionally divide stalkers into four types: a former spouse or partner, a stalker in love, a stalker with delusional fixation and a sadistic stalker. The former pursue because they cannot come to terms with the fact that they were rejected. The latter believe that, with proper efforts, they will conquer the heart of the object of adoration. Still others believe in fictional feelings and act as if another person somehow especially treats them. The fourth type is the most dangerous: sadistic types are driven by the desire to make the victim be afraid and suffer. It seems that my stalker does not fall under any category. But why did he do all this then? Why do people do it at all? I continued to google.

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There are no definite answers about the nature of Stalking. Some psychologists explain everything to the theory of attachments: your relations with people in adulthood are built on the same principle as your relationship with the “significant adult” (most often this parent) in early childhood. If the mother ignored your needs, suddenly disappeared and did not give you a sense of security, you may develop an alarming type of attachment. In adulthood, people with such a pattern want maximum intimacy with a partner, they are often tormented by jealousy and fear of being rejected. It is they who more often than others become stalkers.

If the victims of stalkers regularly turn to psychotherapists, then the stalkers themselves are many times less often. For a long time, the forecast for them was pessimistic : it was believed that the frequently encountered personality changes (borderline disorder, drug addiction and others) reduce the chances of getting rid of the persecuting behavior. The worst of all psychotherapy amenable to rejected partners. Often they so dissolved their personality in a relationship that parting becomes literally a matter of life and death. In recent years, support services for stalkers have appeared in the world, which are addressed by both those who are aware of their problem and those who have forced law enforcement agencies to therapy. For example, in Berlin there is a Stop Stalking service, where both victims and pursuers help, and in London - the only specialized clinic for stalkers in the world.

It seems that in less serious cases, like my stalking is more like a strange hobby than a disease. A person is enjoying finding and receiving information, and at some point it becomes an end in itself, and the object of persecution goes into the background.

"Lepers" is looking for Lena

On the nineteenth of December 2006, Martin Wasoslov smoked a jamb and went to the Ashgabat cinema to watch the film “Apocalypse”. Aquarium played in the player, and at the entrance to the hall through Grebenshchikov’s voice an unfamiliar female made his way: “Which firm headphones?” Martin spread with a ticket by the name of Lena a couple of words about Technics and went to his place in the hall. From the session, he left the last and again went to Lena. “We talked for an hour - about the album of Miles Davis Kind of Blue, Misima’s novel“ Golden Temple ”and much more,” recalls the guy. The ticket office suggested that Martin have free of charge for the film "Deja vu" in another hall, and he agreed. In the back row, Martin and Lena were discussing the films of Tarkovsky and Fellini, but suddenly the girl rang the phone. She said that she was calling her bosses, apologized and ran away. Since then, Martin has not seen her.

For the first six years, this did not bother him, but in 2012 Martin passed by the already closed Ashgabat, and something clicked in his head. For several days he searched for former employees of the cinema in social networks, and finally someone gave him the last name, the old phone and mail of Lena. The information was useless - the data is outdated. Then Martin turned to the Twitter subscribers and on Leper. Commentators shared the databases of mobile numbers, expired passports and even railway tickets. Thanks to the help of Liaz, Martin managed to find out the exact age of Lena and all members of her family, phone numbers, three alleged home addresses and the address of the country cooperative. After passing at the alleged former addresses of Lena, Martin met only one girl who remembered her. The neighbor said that Lena moved a couple of years ago, where it was unknown.

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“As a result, tons of information that I found did not give anything at all,” Martin surprises. “Not a single number answered, none of her relatives and friends were in social networks.” At the end of 2016, another user of Liazus sent Martin to the passport data indicating that Lena married and left for the city of Chekhov. But he could not find a girl even with this information. “At some point, I noticed that the person I am looking for became much less than the amount of information found about him. It fascinated me. Like the feeling that each of us can be calculated in two or three clicks on our social interactions, ”Martin says excitedly.

I asked Martin if he thought about how this whole story could look in Lena's eyes. "Certainly. But I convince myself that while a person on radars is completely absent, you can afford any madness. ” Recently, a young man, once again comprehending his experience, created a public in VKontakte, where people can upload photos of strangers who were sunk into the soul. Martin still hopes to find Lena, but almost does not believe in success.

Such a positive man

Even if the pursuer does not show physical aggression, the victims have been departing from this experience for a long time. According to researchers of the University of Washington and Lee, women affected by Stalking from 23 to 29 years old, 265 % more often suffer from mental disorders; With age, this risk is slightly reduced. Often the situation is aggravated by education and environment. In mass culture, it is customary to consider stalking from a man as a flattering sign of attention and evidence of solid intentions. This phenomenon was studied by a researcher at the University of Michigan Julia Limann. At her request, 426 women shared three groups. The first watched the films “All crazy about Mary” and “Love Management”, that is, frivolous romcoma, where stalkers are pretty guys, in the arms of whose tears of happiness the heroines jump. The second went “in bed with the enemy” and “enough from me”, where Stalking is closely connected with violence and crime. The control group watched films about the nature: “The March of the Penguins” and “The Migration of the Winged”. After everything filled the questionnaire; Women who watched the Romkoma much more often agreed with statements like "Many of Stalking victims are actually pretending to be in-end" and "If a person is pursuing someone, then he is truly in love."

“Relatives said that I was just a naive fool and I do not understand male psychology. In the family, I was always considered ecelic and frivolous and said that I needed a person who would patronize me, ”Olesya recalls (the name was changed at the request of the heroine), who survived the persecution of the former guy. - Stas had a good job, an apartment and a car, so he immediately fascinated my mother. When I told her that he raped me, she replied that I just misunderstood everything. ”

Olesya and Stas met in an open lecture on literature. She was 22, he was 34, he approached her during the break and invited him to a date. At the first meeting, Olesya told him that "drama and tearing in a relationship is bad." Stas replied that she simply never loved. “He noticed that I was creepy, and suddenly started a conversation about a hobby that I did not tell him about. I was surprised, but did not attach any importance to this. ”

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At first, the relations were smooth, but quite quickly, Stas began hysteria and bouts of jealousy. “During the quarrels, when I asked me to pause, he could call on the phone dozens of times until I answer. If I did not answer, he came to my door, ”Olesya recalls. - And he constantly mentioned the facts of my biography, into which I did not devote it. For example, somehow I said that I want to jump with a parachute, and Stas replied that I could not. It turned out that he rummaged in a bag where I kept pills from a neurological disease. ”

Olesya decided to part with Stas on the phone. He reacted “surprisingly calmly” and invited the girl to come and take her things. В итоге Стас не выпустил Олесю из квартиры и изнасиловал. После той ситуации она заблокировала Стаса во всех соцсетях и несколько раз меняла сим-карту, но он каждый раз узнавал её новый номер. Несколько раз Стас приходил к Олесе домой. Она вызывала полицию, но он всегда уходил до приезда участкового. Потом Стас узнал телефоны Олесиных родственников и стал писать и звонить им. «Они страдали, что я отказываю такому положительному мужчине», — вспоминает девушка.

Чем дольше Стас преследовал Олесю, тем больше агрессии было в его сообщениях. Если сначала он выдавал пассажи в духе «ты моя судьба, мы всегда будем вместе», то под конец писал, что убьёт девушку и скормит собакам. Когда у Олеси появились новые отношения, Стас вычислил её молодого человека и стал давить на него. Тот не выдержал и ушёл. После этого отношений у Олеси больше не было. Ей также пришлось уволиться с работы — Стас постоянно приходил в кафе, где она была официанткой. Девушка стала бояться выходить на улицу и страдала от постоянной тошноты, а потом психиатр диагностировал у неё посттравматическое стрессовое расстройство. «В конце концов я оказалась в такой жуткой депрессии, что мне стало абсолютно всё равно, — вспоминает Олеся. — Ну и пусть скармливает собакам, зато всё это закончится».

А потом Стас пропал. Олеся точно не знает почему, но предполагает, что запал преследователя охладило отсутствие реакции. Девушка признаётся, что эта история её сильно изменила. «Когда понимаешь, что проглядела безумца и подпустила его слишком близко, начинаешь сомневаться во всех окружающих, но сильнее всего — в самой себе. Этому способствовало и отношение родных и друзей: трудно верить себе, когда все вокруг рассказывают о мужской психологии, которую я просто не понимаю, и схеме „хищник — жертва“».

Берегись «Ателье на Фрунзенской»

За полчаса переписки со Сталкером я многое узнала о кибербезопасности. «Вика, — писал он, — твой пароль каждый день выставляют на продажу на бирже аккаунтов. Правда, пока его покупал только я». Я стала вспоминать, как давно мне приходят письма о подозрительных попытках входа в PayPal и Steam. Кажется, минимум два месяца.

Оказывается, в даркнете существуют десятки бирж, на которых пароли от моего (а может, и вашего) аккаунта можно найти рядом с призывным тегом вроде «100 % Active Russian Female friends 100+». Цена за один — около двух рублей, поэтому покупают их обычно пачками. Выкупая доступ к моему аккаунту каждый день, Сталкер фактически защитил меня от основных пользователей таких бирж — тех, кто потом пишет вам от имени друзей с просьбой одолжить денег. А ещё сэкономил на «Нетфликсе»: сериал, разворачивающийся в моих чатах и переписках, стоил ему дешевле месячной подписки примерно на 600 рублей.

Сталкер посоветовал мне подключить двухфакторную аутентификацию, сменить все пароли и больше никогда не использовать один и тот же на нескольких сайтах. Если злоумышленник купил или взломал один, он обязательно прогонит его через программы, которые подскажут, где ещё пароль актуален. Кроме того, Сталкер напомнил мне, что не надо открывать подозрительные ссылки. Позже я узнала, что на сайте Have I Been Pwned можно проверить, фигурировала ли ваша почта в утечках данных, и оперативно поменять пароль. Do not thank.

Russian “Black Mirror”: theft of an apartment on the Internet Ksenia Zhebrovskaya , Semyon Sheshenin , Arina Kokoreva Samizdat tells the story of the first contactless theft of an apartment on the Internet, when no one touched the castles or documents сериал, разворачивающийся в моих чатах и переписках, стоил ему дешевле месячной подписки примерно на 600 рублей

Единственное, чего я не могла осмыслить: как так вышло, что в мире агрессивного сталкинга и взломов с целью шантажа пароль от моего аккаунта купил приятный тип, который осыпал нас с мужем комплиментами и научил меня безопасности в интернете? Это, конечно, не отменяет того факта, что где-то на его компьютере может храниться полный архив моих переписок и фотографий. Я было подумала, что киберсталкеры чем-то отличаются от «офлайновых», но оказалось, что в целом исследования (например, это ) фиксируют похожие закономерности. Также выяснилось, что киберсталкеры ограничиваются преследованием в интернете только в четверти случаев — большая часть начинает слежку одновременно в Сети и в реальности.

Дизайнеру одежды Тане (сейчас девушка живёт в Ирландии) в каком-то смысле тоже повезло: её киберсталкер так и остался в Сети. Человек, имени которого она не знает, следит за ней со школьных лет: всё началось в 2011 году, когда Таня училась в 10-м классе. Тогда она активно вела аккаунты в Твиттере, «Аск.фм» и «ВКонтакте» и однажды получила сообщение от фейкового аккаунта младшеклассника из её школы. В переписке быстро начались «допросы»: сталкер расспрашивал о Таниных отношениях с мальчиком, уточнял даты её предстоящих каникул. «Вопросов становилось всё больше, а если я не отвечала — давление продолжалось», — вспоминает девушка.

Когда Таня блокировала один фейковый аккаунт, сталкер заводил другой, якобы принадлежащий кому-то из окружения девушки. Таня не всегда сразу понимала, что с ней снова общается неизвестный преследователь, — иногда ей казалось, что это подруга или однокурсник. Собеседник каждый раз выдавал себя количеством вопросов: он будто стремился узнать о Тане абсолютно всё. В какой-то момент он даже создал фейковый аккаунт самой Тани, чтобы узнавать подробности её жизни у подруги и бывшего парня. Потом он пропал на несколько лет, а когда вернулся, засыпал Таню вопросами о переменах в жизни. Она отказалась отвечать, тогда он увёл пароли от её почты, твиттера и «Аск.фм». Для восстановления страниц он требовал отвечать на новые вопросы, а если Таня противилась, удалял посты в её аккаунтах. В итоге вернуть твиттер и почту так и не удалось.

Таня говорит, что до сих пор не представляет, кому это могло быть интересно. Незнакомец продолжает появляться в её жизни по сей день: «Этот человек всплывает во всех новых сервисах, которые я использую: Periscope, Twitch, Instagram». Через месяц после нашего первого разговора Таня написала, что ей в инстаграм снова стал писать подозрительный пользователь. Вопросы приходили с аккаунта «Ателье на Фрунзенской», заполненного плохими стоковыми фотографиями свадебных платьев и штор: «Что у вас нового? Смотрю, много красивых эскизов. Где шьёте свою красоту?»

В разные периоды Таня испытывала обычный для жертв сталкинга спектр эмоций: от злости до страха и тревоги из-за невозможности предугадать, когда очередной фейковый аккаунт начнёт забрасывать её вопросами. По её наблюдениям, в поведении сталкера ремиссии стойко чередуются с рецидивами. Порой ремиссии были такими долгими, что ей казалось, будто всё окончательно позади. «Скорее всего, моя история не самая жёсткая, — рассуждает Таня, — но на её фоне у меня всё равно развилась мания преследования и повышенная мнительность. И я всё ещё не могу сказать, что она завершилась».

Дорогой Сталкер, я скучаю

«Вика, а можешь сказать мне новый пароль перед тем, как поменяешь старый? Чтобы я продолжил читать твои переписки. Я ведь уже так привык».
"Of course not! Но ты можешь просто добавить меня в друзья и продолжать следить за моей жизнью».

Сталкер пообещал, что так и сделает.

Когда я сменила пароли и закрыла все незавершённые сессии, я вдруг почувствовала странное одиночество. На следующий день я начала искать его следы. Мне стало интересно: как выглядит и чем живёт человек, который теперь знает обо мне всё? Когда я просматривала список последних сессий, выяснилось, что кто-то заходил в мой аккаунт из Германии. Но вдруг он сидел через Tor? На следующий день мне на фейсбук написал незнакомый парень из моего френдлиста: «Хей. Проверь приложения на телефоне». Сердце заколотилось: я подумала, Сталкер вернулся с новыми советами по кибербезопасности. Оказалось, парень просто увидел мой пост с описанием случившегося и решил помочь разобраться с утечкой пароля.

Я оставила на своей стене несколько сообщений для Сталкера и стала ждать, что он появится снова. Я хотела взять у него интервью для этого материала, спросить о его жизни и любимых моментах в сериале с моим участием. Но он так и не написал. Пока я работала над этим текстом, редактор предложил запросить у «ВКонтакте» архив со своими переписками — может, удалённые сообщения подскажут мне, где искать незнакомца. Через четыре часа я уже читала полное собрание своих сообщений (включая удалённые), лайков, комментариев и сессий авторизации.

Оказалось, Сталкер писал мне ещё за день до того, как мы впервые поговорили: «Вика, напиши тут, и я тебе всё объясню», «Не выходи. У нас пара минут на общение», «Я из Дрездена». Всё это я увидела только сейчас. Вопросов стало ещё больше: куда он так спешил? И зачем нужно было удалять сообщения каждую минуту?

В общем, дорогой чувак из Дрездена. Если ты читаешь это, передаю тебе привет. Кстати, у нас с мужем теперь есть телеграм-канал с дурацкими видео. Те самые ты там не найдёшь, но всё равно подписывайся .

«Нимагу без тебя» Юлия Вараксина , Полина Митяева Девушка долго подвергалась преследованию поклонника, пережила стокгольмский синдром и освободилась, лишь переехав в другую страну How I went to Paris and became the adult Svetlana Chalova , Konstantin Valyakin , Julia Prokopova for decades in a “comfortable” bus, walks by the handle with her mother and the Parisian decl, which will save. The same story about a burning ticket to Europe