What is not warned before childbirth

What is not warned before childbirth

The Russian authorities are actively talking about increasing the birth rate. Women who want to have an abortion are discouraged according to special manuals, which says that “being a young mother is great,” and control over the sale of drugs for drug abortion is tightened.

But few people honestly and in detail tell women gathering to give birth to how exactly the birth is, what they will face in the process, what complications are possible and how the body is restored after that. The Spit asked several mothers to tell about what moments no one warned them before the birth and why they would like to know about them in advance.

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I was not warned about the size of the child

Anna, 32 years old, works in the field of logistics

Since 2008, I had a diagnosis of infertility, and I myself did not want children. Therefore, pregnancy for my husband and I was a shock. And yet I decided to give birth, and never regretted.

The first two trimester was only nausea. But the third trimester was harder: I was lying all the time. Once I needed to get something from the lower drawer of the chest of drawers. I was able to bend, but I couldn’t get up. By the end of pregnancy, the hormone relaxin is developed: it softens the muscles, ligaments and joints in the pelvic area so that the birth of the child is slightly less traumatic.

Legs were very sick. The painkillers were not allowed to take: you lie and wait for the pain to subside. The gynecologist replied to complaints: “Well, what do you want? You are pregnant. Of course, the legs will hurt. ” I was tested for various diseases, but no one bored of sending an analysis for vitamins.

At the 36th week I moved and changed the antenatal clinic. In the new one, I was asked about complaints and sent to donate blood to iron, hemoglobin and ferritin. It turned out that my indicators of Ferritin were very lower than the norm, and because of this, my legs hurt. After taking iron, I finally could sleep.

But the biggest surprise happened when my fights started. We went to the hospital, and it turned out on an ultrasound that I did not have such a small baby as I was told the whole pregnancy.

I am small, only 160 cm, and it is difficult for me to give birth to a big child. In such cases, they are sent to Caesarean, in addition, I already had a direction on a cesarean section due to symphysitis. But the obstetrician-gynecologist in the maternity box did not pay attention to this. He said: "You will give birth yourself."

Then there were the most terrible and difficult 15 hours in my life. Firstly, I got very painful contractions. The films show that they begin gradually after the water has gone. I started instantly and immediately after a minute in three.

I had a very long period - three hours. The child was born in parameters as a monthly: 4.1 kilo weighing and 57 cm tall.

Two months after childbirth, I just lay a layer and lived in diapers, because I could not control the lower body. Such a complication was due to the fact that my little body was forced to give birth to a rather large child. Until now, when I sneeze, I am ready for consequences and cross my legs.

The most terrible test after the birth was depression. You quickly forget about physical inconvenience, and postpartum depression can drag on - for example, for two and a half years, as I had. After the birth of the child, a complete restructuring of the body occurred: serotonin and progesterone collapsed. This caused depressive thoughts, up to suicidal. For more than a month I could only lie and cry: everything is scary and incomprehensible, there is no strength for anything. When I stopped breastfeeding, the psychiatrist prescribed me antidepressants. It became easier, but I still did not want to live.

You love the child, kiss and take care of him, but still at some point you go out onto the balcony and choose a car under which you want to jump. Antidepressants softened the condition: you’ll stand like that, then you wave your hand and go to drink tea. And only over time did the state have improved.

It is impossible to prepare for parenthood. You can go to courses, listen to dozens of stories of friends - and this is still not enough. It seems to me that it is always early to give birth to the first child. But this does not mean that it is not worth it.

No one prepared me for premature birth

Zhenya, 35 years old, works in the personnel department in an IT company

Before pregnancy, everything that I heard about her was: "Children are happiness." Around there were pregnant colleagues who said that pregnancy gives them a lot of effort. I was sure that I would be so.

But my pregnancy began with the fact that even before the delay appeared, I began to get very tired. Dream even at the wheel, and I did not understand what was happening.

On an ultrasound, it turned out that I would have not one child, but two. It seemed to me that twins are cool. And it became clear why I constantly get tired: apparently, there were not enough resources at once for three organisms.

In the 24th week, I began a strong hypertonicity (this is the name of the reduction of the uterus during pregnancy. In this state, the woman feels that her stomach tenses and as if “stages”, “braid”). Many told me that hypertonicity is not a disease and it is not necessary to treat it. But I barely walked with a very heavy and tense stomach, it was incredibly difficult to do even basic things, and I was put several times in the hospital for preservation.

At the 30th week I was at home and once woke up at night: I began to leave water. I collected things, woke my husband, and we went. In the hospital, I was determined in the pre -Democratic department, there I listened for half a day how other women give birth. It was scary. Doctors did not say anything concrete, and I did not understand what we were waiting for. Only when I began to sob with fear of the unknown, the doctor explained that they tried to stop the birth activity and prolong the pregnancy until the right time.

There are little talk about premature children. Basically, something in the spirit of "and 500 gram babies are nursing." But health consequences are rarely discussed. But before pregnancy, it would be nice to know that there are such cases.

I was made a cesarean section, the operation lasted a maximum of 40 minutes. Children were not shown to me. I just heard one shouted, and the second was more likely grunted. Again, no one said anything about what was happening. I was quickly sewn and taken to adult resuscitation. I was lying there, not knowing whether my children were alive. I found out that they are alive and breathe only 6 hours after the operation.

In the first days after childbirth, everything hurt from sneezing and laughter. But there was no time to come to his senses. A week after the discharge, the children were sent to the hospital for nursing, and on the 9th day I had to get behind the wheel to visit them. I blamed myself that I could not convey children and gave birth in the 30th week.

In the hospital, the kids were divided. One was sent to intensive care, because he forgot to breathe. The second is to nursing. I went from the floor to the floor and visited them. A child who was in a more stable state could be taken out of boxing, changing a diaper, and feed a mixture of a bottle. Mom pressed me on the topic of breastfeeding. She said: "This is the most valuable that you can give your children." But I did not even have milk. It was so difficult to maintain pressure that I stopped communication with my mother for a month.

Even during recovery, doctors spoke little about what was happening. Once I burst into tears when I visited the baby who forgot to breathe. The manager reproached: "Why are you roaring because of this, okay would cry because of which it got worse." And I was not even in the know. So, in fragments and post -facts, I sometimes learned about the condition of the children.

When they were in the hospital, I did not feel anything for them but pity. Neither cosmic communication nor unconditional love appeared. It was just scary and very sorry for them. The children were dry, like old people, and from droppers and injections of veins, blue, like tattoos.

After discharge, I did not understand how I would cope. During pregnancy, I went to courses. They explained there what would be in childbirth, how to prepare for them. But there was little information about what will happen after. For example, expectant mothers are rarely warned of growth surges in children. When the baby yells during such growth jumps, this does not mean that something is wrong or he does not have enough attention. This is just a reaction of the children's psyche to changes. But at such moments it is very difficult to export. At some point, my back began to hurt a lot, and I went to see a neurologist. He said: "This is not with your back, but with the head of the problem." So I found out that I was faced with postpartum depression.

During the decree, I did not open new talents, as they promised to me. I just had a goal - to survive. I realized what this means - first an oxygen mask on myself, then for children. If they both shouted and I could not calm them down, I went to the kitchen, made myself coffee, calmed down, and then returned to the kids.

I think that it is very important for mothers to look for islands of stability: to delegate responsibilities and have personal time. Looking back, I understand: if I knew that I was waiting for me, I would not get into it. But I am glad that my children are, and now I understand that I both need them.

The courses did not warn that postpartum depression happens, even if you really wanted a child

Camila (name changed), 28 years, works in the financial sector

I always dreamed of becoming a mother. When my husband and I decided to have a child, I went to pregnant women, read a lot of literature, watched a lot of videos. But none of this prepared me for what I encountered.

I knew that the first couple of months could be toxicosis, but I had it for five months. I was constantly tearing, on some days I could not get out of bed, completely abandoned life.

I had a man at work, and he did not understand my condition. His wife was also pregnant, and he, comparing me with her, did not believe that toxicosis could be so strong and long.

I gave birth during a pandemic, so my husband and I did not allow partner birth. It was very scary: for two days in contractions, and nearby - no one who could support. At some point, I already thought to do something with myself so that everything stopped. I knew that it would hurt, but I did not assume that so. The pain during the fights seemed unbearable, and the lightest stage was directly the birth of a child.

I live in Kazakhstan. It is accepted here that after childbirth, a woman with a child lives for 40 days with parents. It was a very comfortable time, everyone helped me. When my husband and I returned home, the most difficult thing began. The child did not stop colic, the husband went to work, and relatives fluttered his nerves: where to note the birth of what to call the child and so on.

During the decree you often feel useless. I decided that I would be a super-mother and will begin to lead the whole life. I so wanted everything to be captured: I drove my daughter to infants and massages.

When during pregnancy I read about postpartum depression, it seems that it was a rarity. In benefits for pregnant women, the stories of women in a complex material situation or those who did not want a child are most often given. It was not about me, and I thought the depression would not affect me.

But at some point I began to notice that I was getting worse and worse physically and sincerely. My teeth began to crumble and my hair falls out, and prophalets appeared. The seams remaining after childbirth were terribly sick (I had strong gaps). It was painful to sit and stand. I remember how I stand at night, swing my daughter and cry soundlessly, so painfully and sorry for myself.

While the child was awake, everything was fine. But as soon as my daughter fell asleep, the darkness began to absorb me. The constant feeling of loneliness was persecuted: you are always alone, and thoughts are burning you. I began to imagine how I would kill myself. It seemed that if I disappear, as if I had never been, it would become good for everyone. I locked myself in the bathroom, thinking how I cut myself now, or hung out the window. One night, my husband found me in a sobbing bath, and we realized that this is no longer possible.

I went to the psychiatrist at the place of registration. The doctor was elderly, and it seemed to me that she would say that I came up with everything. But she diagnosed my postpartum depression and prescribed antidepressants. The doctor warned that antidepressants cannot be combined with breastfeeding. I was ashamed to refuse breastfeeding in front of the child, and I decided to cope without medicines.

My husband helped me a lot during depression. He was a full -fledged parent and took many responsibilities. On his initiative, I had a full weekend from household chores.

It turns out that when you became a mother, it can be very difficult to leave the house because of a feeling of guilt: it seems that you are throwing a child. Although you rationally understand that going somewhere alone is normal, it was emotionally difficult to retrain yourself. It seems to me that during pregnancy they still do not prepare for the fact that you can have a psychological merger with a child.

It helped me a lot that I began to find the stories of other women who went through postpartum depression. Now I have been in remission for two years and gradually go to work.

When women share their emotions after childbirth, they often encounter condemnation. I once wrote a post that I was bad, but they began to answer me that it was all from idleness. But this is the most stupid comment that is only possible. Often mothers in postpartum depression are included 24/7: you clean, erase, feed the child through force. And the darkness still does not go anywhere. I was not waiting for help, but just to be told that everything is fine and that this happens.

It seems to me that there is a stigma of the emotional state of a woman after childbirth. Whatever happens with the recently given woman, everyone is justified by hormones. But I think the point is rather that you are constantly at home with a child alone, your life is changing strongly, and you need to get used to it. We try very hard for the child to have everything, and we care very little to make life easier.

I did not expect my teeth to break and the liver would suffer

Svetlana, 24 years old, recently graduated from the university

The pregnancy was random, and my husband and I began to prepare only after we learned about her. I carefully read everything about pregnancy and childbirth. But in reality, everything turned out to be not like reference materials. For example, everywhere it is said that pregnancy is not a disease. But it came out differently.

She flowed very hard. I began to refuse the liver, and I was constantly in the hospital. Toxicosis is usually depicted as a slight nausea, but because of it I could not eat anything and also lay under droppers. I also often lost consciousness. The fact that this can happen, I also did not read anywhere. Everyone around said: pregnancy is not difficult, all women go through it. But for me this experience was terrible. The birth after that seemed easy.

After them, blood discharge began like menstruation and did not stop 40 days. I didn’t hear about this at all. Neither mom nor grandmother even thought to warn me. Hair and teeth also began to fall out. It got to the point that I eat a cucumber and my tooth breaks. As a result, I had to cure 16 teeth.

The manuals that I read said that a year after birth should be easier. But in a year later, postpartum depression was diagnosed. I seized stress and began to recover. Forces against the background of depression were exhausted, but after a year the child becomes very active after a year: he runs, cries, naughty. I constantly cried and wanted to kill myself. At that time, I also studied and, of course, overwhelmed the session.

At some point, I even began to hate the child, annoyed her every action. The thoughts were haunted that it would be better if the daughter was not born. I complained to my husband, but he did not understand, although he mainly supported.

I have been flying postpartum depression for a year and a half, and so far the only thing I can say is better not to give birth. As soon as the child was born, your life was immediately over. While I feel it like that.

I didn't know how to feed a child

Julia, 32 years old, works in IT

Before giving birth, I heard that pregnancy is a difficult period. But basically everyone speaks in general phrases, no one tells details. On Instagram, you look at smiling mothers, who, like before pregnancy, are engaged in their own affairs: they work, rejoice in life and prepare for the appearance of the baby.

If they talk about some difficulties, then as something that can be handled without problems. For example, that during pregnancy, sometimes unexpected addictions in food appear or appear. So I did not have a complete concept of how it could be difficult.

I learned about pregnancy at the examination by a gynecologist. The first reaction was a shock: after all, there is no instruction with step -by -step actions. Instead of recommendations, you hear interrogative reproaches from the doctors: “Have you been told about it?”, “Have you done this yet?”

At the sixth week, at the inspection in a paid clinic, the gynecologist did not hear the fetal heartbeat and began to aloud to assume: “The frozen, or what?” At the end of the inspection, she said that I have a retro -chronic hematoma, without explaining anything about it. To the questions of what to do, she answered almost a cry: “Lying! Just lie! Do you not understand what? ” I googled about this hematoma, very nervous, cried.

Then it turned out that she was treated with pills and there was no need to scare this way. After this incident, I changed the doctor, and the new gynecologue supported me and answered any questions.

The last trimester turned out to be the most heavy. Никто не предупреждает, что даже шевеление ребенка в утробе может быть болезненным. С 34-й недели я стала уставать даже после завтрака. После каждого приема пищи становилось тяжело дышать — видимо, матка давила на органы. Я чувствовала себя как на картинке, где девушка в ужасе лежит с бомбой вместо живота и фитиль уже зажжен.

На роды я ехала без страха, потому что посмотрела много видео, где девушки делились опытом и часто снимали прямо из родильных палат. Но с раскрытия в пять-шесть сантиметров я начала впадать в какой-то транс от болей. Я рада, что у нас были партнерские роды, потому что у меня не было сил принимать решения: попросить стакан воды или позвать врача.

Укол эпидуральной анестезии тоже оказался больнее, чем я предполагала. Он вводится медленно, и несколько сильных схваток нужно было пережить, не двигаясь. Эти минуты казались вечностью. Муж был рядом, и я крепко в него вцепилась. Врачи спрашивали: «Где больно?». Это звучало как издевательство. Я сказала, что больно везде.

В момент потуг — самый тяжелый этап, когда силы и так на исходе — медсестра сказала: «Мы за тебя не родим, ребенку там уже плохо». Когда ты вымотана многочасовыми схватками, хочется слышать слова поддержки, а не обвинения.

От начала схваток до родов прошли целые сутки. Врачам пришлось сделать мне эпизиотомию (хирургическое рассечение промежности и задней стенки влагалища, — «Коса») и наложить швы. Я читала, что так бывает, но не ожидала, что случится и со мной. После этого вставать с постели было мучением. Казалось, все органы, которые находятся внизу, сейчас выпадут.

Самая большая проблема, с которой мне пришлось столкнуться, — грудное вскармливание. Никто не рассказывал, как именно приходит молоко. У меня оно появилось на третью ночь. Грудь надулась и ужасно болела. Утром пришла специалистка по грудному вскармливанию и удивилась, что я не сцеживала, не делала массаж и до сих пор не приложила ребенка к груди. Как я могла это сделать, если никто об этом не пишет и не рассказывает?!

Кормить было очень больно, и позже я стала постоянно сцеживать молоко. Постоянные приливы молока тоже были болезненными. Оно текло, оставляя лужи на кровати и пятна на одежде.

Первые пару месяцев после родов кажется, что ты в дне сурка. Я вспоминала свою добеременную жизнь: работа, поездки, рисование, спортзал, — и рыдала от того, что сильно по ней скучаю. Возникали мысли наесться каких-нибудь таблеток и закончить весь этот кошмар. Но потом я смотрела на дочь и думала, что не могу так поступить с ней. Ведь это я приняла решение ее родить и должна сделать все возможное, чтобы она выросла с матерью, веселой, здоровой и счастливой.

Когда я сталкивалась с проблемами, я старалась задавать вопросы. Но сложно спросить о том, чего не знаешь. Все ответы были очень общими, а родители и бабушки вообще говорили: «Как-то вырастили вас, и вы справитесь, куда деваться». Нас не учат ни планировать беременность, ни правильно ее вести. Женщина остается один на один со своими страхами и непониманием, а часто еще и подвергается осуждению.

Арина Гундырева

Illustrations: Midjourney