"I began to plan my suicide"

11–15.03.2013

The New Times continues to post the history of a person who has a deadly diagnosis*

Now I am often written by different people about what, as it seems to them, to tell everyone. For example: "Tell me about how it is difficult to get an anesthetic in Russia." I cannot write about this in detail. Since I don't know the details yet. And those who know about this in detail, alas, will never be able to write ...

But I will talk about what I know for sure. Cancer, starting from a certain stage, is accompanied by very severe pains: the genesis is simple - the growing tumors press on the nerve endings. In some cases, this happens relatively quickly, in some cases it stretches in a painful epic. Unfortunately, there are many forms of cancer that still do not know how to treat well, and there are many cases when what they can treat do not have time to diagnose in time. And then a person has to die. He has to die, tormenting to the last breath of unbearable pain.

When it became clear that my cancer is poorly treated, I began to plan my suicide. I, as a person struggling with all his might for life, is not allowed to understand how such a crazy step can go in a normal situation. I can’t understand at all what can push such a child. For a person who can physically live and can correct something around, suicide is an incredible whim. Therefore, for myself, I planned it only as insurance from the inaction of the state.

Recently I read “Hurray-Stati”, in which officials boasted that the first children's hospice with rooms for four people opened in Moscow. I also thought: four dying children in one ward - isn't that called hell? More recently, I read an article about a girl who was locked in a pre -trial detention center for amphetamine, which she needed for pain relief in connection with a severe congenital disease. She faces ten years in prison - for trying to alleviate her pains, and now she is tortured with pain in a pre -trial detention center. There are many such events and cases, I know them not only from the press. And that is why in Russia - a state that does not know either pity or common sense - a cancer patient does not have a better outcome than to think about suicide in advance.

In the United States, they will anesthetize anyone - an illegal emigrant, a criminal, anyone - for free, as soon as it takes. Here, cancer patient does not need to plan suicide. Marvelous!

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